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The Park Bench (Free verse) by Mr Pig
Inscribed on the slats of a park bench, Where suits eat designer bagels, Is a heart scratched in to wood, immortalizing our brief affair. I used to feed the mallards, as you perused the horoscopes, circling the love sections for aquarius, and telling me mine, knowing i wasn't interested. Now you've moved on and I remain still, loyal to the possibilities that fate may bring, Not wanting to be forgotten, like the dead man on a weathered brass plaque. Loving you, It was like the gaps of blue sky, lost in grey clouds. The occasional shards of light through darkness, But the moment of light would be the memory, and all that preceded it would be unimportant. the mallards still come to me for bread, and the smell of dried bourbon still lingers, from the vagrant who slept here with dirty fingers. The suits still sit proper, as they slowly eat bagels, But you are just splinters, infinite graffiti, Of a time we once shared, That was not meant to be.

Up the ladder: Omerta el prostitute
Down the ladder: Halves

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.5555553
Weighted score: 6.2777777
Overall Rank: 899
Posted: June 25, 2003 7:44 AM PDT; Last modified: June 25, 2003 7:44 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] richa @ 195.92.168.175 | 25-Jun-03/11:42 AM | Reply
the aquarius and not interested rhyme rushes the poem along well

i think you use very quiete rhymes which gives this a gentle quality

not as much vivid imagery as in your other memory poems though
[n/a] Mr Pig @ 195.92.168.169 > richa | 25-Jun-03/3:00 PM | Reply
Thank you, I didn't want to saturate this too much in imagery as the subject matter was not quite so emotional as in 'The Blooding' or 'The Order Of Things', I wanted to merely convey a sense of memory to something that was sweet in my life, ultimately something that moulded who I was as a lover, rather than a victim.

Thank you for reading it.
[n/a] Nanshe @ 167.206.181.179 > Mr Pig | 26-Jun-03/8:12 AM | Reply
was she a cancer, then? that would explain a lot.
[8] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 | 25-Jun-03/5:17 PM | Reply
The begining and end were brilliant, the middle liked a specific climax to why it all went that way, but that's not always a bad thing, here,8.
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