Is there anyway to prevent poets from scoring their own poems?

I like the parallel of logic and sensuality in this poem: careful description of sensual material thing and then giving it a mental sublimation. As the piece is a logical-knit, I think "Into eternity! line 3, comes too quick and the subsequent explanation ending with line 6 "Into memory" weakens the sense of eternity not strengthens it: as eternity is obviously more eternal
than memory. Otherwise, a perfect
poetic incarnation.

I agree with Zin. The first line is out of order within the structure of the poem and the title is enough to create the sense of the scene.

Yes, GW, this is the product of a pure soul and a sensitive heart full of genuine care and consideration. So tenderly you reconstruct a religious theme to make it universal in its uniqueness and unique in its horizons and come out with a positive optimistic conclusion. Yes poetry can convey hope and will to resurrect. At least you have done so in this poem. I also do believe in the resurrectionist power of love, the only energy enabling one to continue inspite of all odds. Please read my poem cul-de-sac and its conclusion.

These comments are stupid. This poem for someone at 13 is a very good achievment. The point in poetry is to subjective, that is express youself just yourslef as much as and as good as you can. That is what this poem does. It's a good self-image of a teen. To give [0] is sheer stupidity.

Clarity is important for a good poem and you have it.

The first line has a contradiction nowhere/by your side. Better to say: Take me back to nowhere as long as you..etc.
Then the poem shoud end at line 6. Delete the rest. It is all boring repitition.

Clarity is important for a good poem, and you have it.
The first line has a contradiction: nowhere/by your side.
Better to say: as long as by your side.
The poem nicely finishes at line 6. The rest is boring repetition. Delete it.

You are right anagram, i wasn't happy with squeals of ....myself but wanted to say something about the obsession of wesetrn culture/films/media/tabloids/ with sex. I have edited the sentence to "squeals of faked orgasm" to show how even sex is dtrivialised by this
obsession, but still not happy with it.
Can god's wife suggest something?

Thank you GW for your approval. The poem is a monologue in front of mirror by the woman/old hawk. The conclusion you are right seems premature but it expresses sudden realisation of the woman that she can move on and rebuild her life after a life marred by an experienec of rape. Perhaps the expression is not suitable enough to convey this message to the reader.

Thank you Zin, I appeciate your genuine words. I have experienced a lot of death and destruction in my life as part of the destiny of my people. I had nothing to succour me but the idea of love and attempting to express it in poetry. We need owr own game/illusion to balance the essential absurdity of our mortal existence.

At first it sounded interesting a bit/
I raed it again, it was just shit

Childish but not a children's poem.

I agree the poem from the start creates an intimate atmosphere which helps to introduce the theme.
But the poetics of the poem has not been carried through.

The first simile, snow as shreds of paper, is common and is not suitable. Then there is four times repitition within this short poem of [souls sink, souls falling, snow is souls falling, souls falling]. Is it reasonable to compare souls [immortal] to transient snow?

No, it dramatises the act/theme of departure. There are three moments/times in the poem: before an imminent departure, when it actually takes place and after it has taken place. The images/metaphors embody these
moments and emotions they evoke.

I don't mean slaves in the historical sense but those who choose to be slaves for sheer minimum material gain and zero in the philosophical sense as making big containing always the element of eliminating/zeroing the result. Think of worldcom's added zeroes, for example.

There is proper rhythm and rhyme and the repetition helps to convey the point. But the point is made pointless by the very contradiction that the monologuer is defeatist from within [I am feeling too old to slow] which makes him easily surrender to the others' perceived negative attitude [I'd rather not go]. So what is the point?

More an underneath sheets whisper than a poem.

Why do you persecute the gurl? She only wants to have fun.

All is true if anything can be said about poetry which is true. But then what is poetry?

You must be mad!