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solace (Free verse) by crin i'm in such a bad mood
i want you to soothe me
i feel like a beast
out of control
out of my head
i want you in bed
underneath the sheets with me
holding on tightly
hold me tightly
that's all i desire
all i need
Up the ladder:
Anouk
Down the ladder:
When I look inside my heart
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.5882354
Posted: April 20, 2002 12:27 PM PDT; Last modified: April 20, 2002 12:27 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.518116 Overall Rank: 2637 Comments:
[9]
nentwined @
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23-Apr-02/12:16 AM
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Reply
this has a really nice pounding flow. :)
Not bad but not good. Ask yourself where you're going when you write. I understand your metaphysical inquiry into security and the savage, but it would make more sense if you framed the poem within a broader context - perhaps the human psyche. Make it anagogical. Tell me something.
More an underneath sheets whisper than a poem.
If you would have actually used images to convey this, you might have something resembling a poem. Unfortunately, you did do that. You told us everything and did not show us a thing.
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