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Anouk (Free verse) by daniella In the seasons of your time,
coming up around you,
I see the blossoms of Anouk.
When I think of all the reasons
why you are here, I smile,
recalling the bubble rising with your birth.
You bend and fold your hands in your own way.
Like a flower waiting to bloom, in a darkened room,
your colors bold in the dimness
of a vision of what will be you
with all your might.
Like a lone star in the bluish light of night,
you are coming up on the horizon.
From wherever you or I may be,
you will have always come from deep inside of me.
From wherever you may go,
one thing is certain, I will give anything
to watch the sun rise upon those beaming eyes
bubbling up with the clearness of a song.
In the sweetness of what you are and will always be,
Anouk.
March 5, 2003
Up the ladder:
The fetus farm
Down the ladder:
solace
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.5211267
Posted: March 6, 2003 4:36 PM PST; Last modified: March 6, 2003 4:36 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.5211267 Overall Rank: 2636 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[10]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
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7-Mar-03/12:08 AM
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Reply
Charming.
nice
Lovley, keep it up.
d--this is a gentle and humble lovesong, if ever i read one. thanks for posting it here.
thanx... sweet zzinnia
(tears) makes me fall in love with my mother all over again. -9
love your comment and applaud your innate everlastin' desire.
Just lovely.
more than what i could ask for!
THt is so sweet
makes me want to have a child someday Have to find the right gurl i guess
thnx... you will
I think this is lovely, save the "bubble rising at birth" being a troubling image of some odd body function. It takes the reader in the wrong direction early on.
cant help it foster, that is how it happened... birth is a troubling thing indeed...
I've witnessed a few births, and I don't ever remember anything bubbling up. My point is that the poemmmakes it sound like a tremendous fart happened, similar to a big bubble rising in hot mud. BLOOP!
Here's my thinking about your response. You owe reality nothing. just becasue it is the best way to state your perspective of exactly what happened doesn't make it good poetry. I was giving you a reader's response to your poem--and I beleive that if you need to have something "bubble up" there must be a better way of stating it.
you believe what you want to believe (not beleive btw). you say you see a fart, i have my vision trained elsewhere. try it.
That's fine. no need to be closed minded about some advice. I am offering you a response, pointing out that perhaps readers will misinterpret your intentions because of a lack of clarity. "bubbling up" is not a clear and concise description. So, asking me to believe what I want to believe is fine, but I beleive that this could be a better peom. Strive to go beyond the mediocre. give up some words.
hon, she bubbled up, born in her sac of amniotic fluid... what can i say, that is how i felt and saw it. you can please some of the people some of the time or you can express yourself and be braced by your own experience. thanx anyway, but i have no fear of mediocrity.. that is not a place i reside... ever. BELIEVE it or not...
I don't know if Anouk is a place or a flower, but I know what having a child is. Anouk must be lovely what ever it is.
my child, a flower and an awesome place, especially in her adolescence... just wait til yours get there!
I thought this poem was very beautiful. ^_^ To me, it sounds like it's about a woman who is waiting to have a baby, and it really displays alot of emotion. The imagery is wonderful, and I love the symbolism. This is very nice... ^_^
thnx 4 catching this.
Children are such inspirations for writing. This reminds me of Rita Dove's poem about nursing her daughter. What a gift for your child when she's (?) old enough to appreciate it.
thanx mulberry 4 your comment... you are right about the natural muse kids pose.. anouk.. she is a teenager and not really into appreciating the sweeter things yet!!
awwww wow thats so pretty!
This is rather lovely.
Interesting metaphore... but it works... thats what poetry is all about... making that which often doesn't work find a way to work.
I enjoy the connection and compassion in this poem the use of the flower and the horizon. It's always nice to see affection in a real sense.
When I click Random your poem keeps coming up...I think this means something.
I have to say that I enjoyed reading your writing but I wasnât moved in any sort of way. There are so many poets out there that you must have some kind of uniqueness to your writing. Nice analogy though.
Um...it doesn't make much sense to me personally, but then i am stupid, it sounds pretty cool anyhow.
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