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Anouk (Free verse) by daniella

In the seasons of your time, coming up around you, I see the blossoms of Anouk. When I think of all the reasons why you are here, I smile, recalling the bubble rising with your birth. You bend and fold your hands in your own way. Like a flower waiting to bloom, in a darkened room, your colors bold in the dimness of a vision of what will be you with all your might. Like a lone star in the bluish light of night, you are coming up on the horizon. From wherever you or I may be, you will have always come from deep inside of me. From wherever you may go, one thing is certain, I will give anything to watch the sun rise upon those beaming eyes bubbling up with the clearness of a song. In the sweetness of what you are and will always be, Anouk. March 5, 2003

Robert K Foster 2-Jun-03/5:11 AM
I've witnessed a few births, and I don't ever remember anything bubbling up. My point is that the poemmmakes it sound like a tremendous fart happened, similar to a big bubble rising in hot mud. BLOOP!
Here's my thinking about your response. You owe reality nothing. just becasue it is the best way to state your perspective of exactly what happened doesn't make it good poetry. I was giving you a reader's response to your poem--and I beleive that if you need to have something "bubble up" there must be a better way of stating it.




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