Re: The Upside-Down Frown by fevriere	26-Jan-04/7:43 PM
the first line is cool bitter-sweet decay and thorn crown are way over used and do not help you here eyes plasticated is brilliant sadly, like others have said i have no clue what you are trying to say
Re: I hope it hurts by pretty_poet_21	26-Jan-04/8:04 PM
i tried to leave a comment before but it gave me an error basically, i think you are telling way too much you need to show us more give an incident before and after the breakup to illustrate your pain hint at your want for him to hurt as much as you do let the reader infer that even though you hurt so much you secretly want him to come back to you
Re: World policy by penguin fiend	26-Jan-04/8:06 PM
Your poem a tomb Your life my strife Please stop this slop
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Jan-04/8:11 PM
but where's the seasonal reference? :P it's cute, esp. with the title
Re: Do The Wash, Love by heartlessempath	26-Jan-04/8:28 PM
i don't think you need "(the anti-moth)" it doesn't fit well with the rest of the poem and i think most people can figure out what you mean anyway the metaphor is very consistent and you pull it off well
Re: To those that would teach poetry by INTRANSIT	26-Jan-04/8:30 PM
nice "FU" one note, "Its" instead of "It's"
Re: Kernel of truth by annabellee	27-Jan-04/12:23 PM
husk??? where's Dark Angel when you need him? seriously though, while this is written fine with no serious problems i just didn't feel anything your word choice is a bit boring as are your imagery and i don't know that you really have anything to say here
Re: My happy warm faith poem by Jeremi B. Handrinos	27-Jan-04/12:28 PM
don't you mean supple instead of subtle? i don't see anything subtle about her breasts personally of course, i'm sure that could just be part of the joke
Re: You've Given Me by broken_wing11	27-Jan-04/12:33 PM
too sweet and your rhymes come too fast and blunt
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Jan-04/12:55 PM
omg, this does not deserve to be on the best of list
Re: A morning conflict by INTRANSIT	27-Jan-04/2:14 PM
i just don't like the double-use of "urn" give us something different there please otherwise, very fun read
Re: P.M.S. by Princess_Snowflake	27-Jan-04/2:16 PM
this is better than the coffee poem you at least make the repetition work for you here
Re: Hollywood Blue by Mona Lisa	27-Jan-04/3:43 PM
First stanza - L4: personally I would change this to : And popsicle-peeled. L6&7: pink champagne AND fizzy pop seems like too much unless you add a but: They give her pink champagne But she asked for fizzy pop Second stanza is great Third stanza - L5: misspelling - fetal L6: "Father Figure" is WAY too obvious L7: this entire last line is also WAY too obvious and a bit of a let down for the culmination of this piece many people write poems about junkies and heroin this is a fairly decent portrayal of the starlett seduced by drugs i would just fix the few things i mentioned less is more, it really is
Re: The woods house by zodiac	27-Jan-04/3:52 PM
wow, just wow i feel like a humble ass clown in comparison my one teeny tiny note would be that i enjoyed the breaks that spanned the stanzas and wished that all the stanzas did that going back and forth was only slightly jarring i think in general though, your breaks are great and really adds to the feel
Re: Aphrodite (edited) by Caducus	27-Jan-04/3:57 PM
need to work on your iambic pentameter a bit also, it doesn't really speak to me, but i think that's just because i don't care much for this particular mythology
Re: Darkness by Felzpoet	27-Jan-04/3:59 PM
not quite a sonnet - must be 14 lines also, needs iambic pentameter the repetition is forced and elementary however, you do make a nice turn at the end
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Jan-04/4:03 PM
you kept true to the form, good job i think "tor'trous" is a cop out though, you can come up with a better word that fits the meter restriction also, you heroic couplet doesn't feel like enough of a turn, but it works overall i would suggest adding punctuation and also enjambing more of your lines
Re: Cecelia by Nicholas Monson	27-Jan-04/4:06 PM
most excellent i think "missiles" does not fit but that's the only thing i can find fault with "An Audrey Hepburn with a Viking gene" is SUCH an inspired line, i love it
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Jan-04/11:15 AM
um, cinquain is 2,4,6,8,2 not the meter you have here please use form properly if you are going to use it
Re: Come off with me Carly back into the city by zodiac	28-Jan-04/11:57 AM
personally, i would lose the explanation at the beginning we should figure it out on our own stoplight/midnight and light/daylight are hard rhymes and should not be so close together i also think "it's the coming, i think, of daylight" feels out of place and is awkwardly worded you don't really use that kind of syntax anywhere else all that said, once again, you right good stuff