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The Upside-Down Frown (Free verse) by fevriere
The upside-down frown smashed quicker than the pulse Into the bitter-sweetest decay, the hottest grey slide A thorn crown, dragged for curiosity, through the focus of eyes plasticated, buried elsewhere.

Up the ladder: Abuse
Down the ladder: Haiku 2004

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.2
Weighted score: 5.0238404
Overall Rank: 7438
Posted: January 25, 2004 7:27 AM PST; Last modified: January 25, 2004 7:27 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] zodiac @ 67.240.192.172 | 25-Jan-04/8:38 AM | Reply
You win the coveted 'Golden Spiral-bound Notebook' for the day if CLS/Lydia-Evelyn and Princess Snowflake don't post. It comes with a purple wobble pen.
[n/a] Goad @ 217.82.11.166 > zodiac | 25-Jan-04/10:01 AM | Reply
oh come on, you can't demote her to the same league as CLS & snowflake.

fevriere, I share your fascination with binding words and ideas together that don't ordinarily appear in company, like amusing oneself trying to push magnets together with the same pole facing, but by themselves these little word games rarely do anything for anyone except the writer. Try doing it just once in an otherwise concrete pome. Like building a framework to hold the magnets in exactly the unnatural but interesting apposition you wish to capture. (when you're successful at this, please come back and teach me how to do it too)
[7] zodiac @ 67.240.192.206 > Goad | 25-Jan-04/2:02 PM | Reply
I retract. I must have been in a bad mood. I agree with Goad though. Try making all those crazy long lines say something.
[n/a] fevriere @ 62.254.128.6 > zodiac | 25-Jan-04/1:56 PM | Reply
Is that bad? *meek girlish glances hitherto*
[4] andrewjthomas @ 66.93.78.35 | 26-Jan-04/7:43 PM | Reply
the first line is cool
bitter-sweet decay and thorn crown are way over used and do not help you here
eyes plasticated is brilliant
sadly, like others have said i have no clue what you are trying to say
[n/a] fevriere @ 213.232.79.194 > andrewjthomas | 28-Jan-04/6:40 AM | Reply
That's great crit. Thank-you. I feel like reduxing now. :)
[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ 195.157.153.253 | 9-Feb-04/6:39 AM | Reply
Slaggamuffin.

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