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Hollywood Blue (Free verse) by Mona Lisa Candy coloured lighting
Shines on the dark side of Hollywood
The ornament is jellied
And popsicles peeled.
Before they begin
They give her pink champagne
She asks for some fizzy pop.
Perfect torsos gleam on film
But these are her 3 shadows
Which gaze like growling Wolves
And linger like the sound of the clapperboard,
Hard core in soft focus
But she is numb as the dead.
They tell her sheâs a star
But her eyes shine only from Maybelline
They tell her sheâs so hot
But later she will shiver and curl
foetal like, in a cold cotton crib
Listening to her Father Figure
As he bakes her dreams in a hot bent spoon.
Up the ladder:
Gemini
Down the ladder:
ok
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.3333335
Posted: January 27, 2004 2:56 PM PST; Last modified: January 27, 2004 2:56 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.9205313 Overall Rank: 9461 Comments:
225 view(s)
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L4: personally I would change this to :
And popsicle-peeled.
L6&7: pink champagne AND fizzy pop seems like too much unless you add a but:
They give her pink champagne
But she asked for fizzy pop
Second stanza is great
Third stanza -
L5: misspelling - fetal
L6: "Father Figure" is WAY too obvious
L7: this entire last line is also WAY too obvious and a bit of a let down for the culmination of this piece
many people write poems about junkies and heroin
this is a fairly decent portrayal of the starlett seduced by drugs
i would just fix the few things i mentioned
less is more, it really is