Hollywood Blue

Member since 2003 · Posted 27 Jan 2004 · 1 comment

Candy coloured lighting Shines on the dark side of Hollywood The ornament is jellied And popsicles peeled. Before they begin They give her pink champagne She asks for some fizzy pop. Perfect torsos gleam on film But these are her 3 shadows Which gaze like growling Wolves And linger like the sound of the clapperboard, Hard core in soft focus But she is numb as the dead. They tell her sheâs a star But her eyes shine only from Maybelline They tell her sheâs so hot But later she will shiver and curl foetal like, in a cold cotton crib Listening to her Father Figure As he bakes her dreams in a hot bent spoon.

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3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

1 comment

[6] andrewjthomas 27-Jan-04/3:43 PM Reply

First stanza -
L4: personally I would change this to :

And popsicle-peeled.

L6&7: pink champagne AND fizzy pop seems like too much unless you add a but:

They give her pink champagne
But she asked for fizzy pop

Second stanza is great

Third stanza -
L5: misspelling - fetal
L6: "Father Figure" is WAY too obvious
L7: this entire last line is also WAY too obvious and a bit of a let down for the culmination of this piece

many people write poems about junkies and heroin
this is a fairly decent portrayal of the starlett seduced by drugs
i would just fix the few things i mentioned
less is more, it really is