andrewjthomas27 Jan 2004

First stanza -
L4: personally I would change this to :

And popsicle-peeled.

L6&7: pink champagne AND fizzy pop seems like too much unless you add a but:

They give her pink champagne
But she asked for fizzy pop

Second stanza is great

Third stanza -
L5: misspelling - fetal
L6: "Father Figure" is WAY too obvious
L7: this entire last line is also WAY too obvious and a bit of a let down for the culmination of this piece

many people write poems about junkies and heroin
this is a fairly decent portrayal of the starlett seduced by drugs
i would just fix the few things i mentioned
less is more, it really is