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Castle in the Clouds (Free verse) by TLRufener
As I laid down in the grass, Just a day ago; I watched the clouds As they passed above. I picked out their shapes; A flower, A dragon, A mighty steed; They were all picture-perfect. One cloud caught my attention As it floated by. It was a peculiar shape; It resembled a castle; Four towers marked the corners, Stretching way up to the sky; A drawbridge held by chains Lowered to welcome company. It sparkled like the sun itself, Offering an open invitation; Telling me that I’m overdue For a really long vacation. I would have loved to visit; Even just for a little while. But I let it pass overhead, And cast it off with a smile. Maybe on another day, I’ll visit that castle in the clouds.

Down the ladder: Goodbye

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.3333335
Weighted score: 4.9205313
Overall Rank: 9504
Posted: September 17, 2005 8:11 PM PDT; Last modified: September 17, 2005 8:11 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] electroman1979 @ 207.200.116.65 | 18-Sep-05/1:13 PM | Reply
liked it. maybe someday i'll visit as well, heck, maybe even move there -8-
[n/a] ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69 | 19-Sep-05/2:21 AM | Reply
You're lying not laying.

I also think your lying the other way too.

Why shift into rhyme half way through.
[n/a] TLRufener @ 140.146.216.76 > ALChemy | 19-Sep-05/8:32 AM | Reply
Looking at shapes in the clouds is most commonly thought of as a childs' past-time. I switched to rhyme at the half-way mark because I wanted to show the adult reverting to a child. The ending is the child reverting back to the adult, realizing that there are things that must be done before a vacation is due.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69 > TLRufener | 19-Sep-05/9:40 PM | Reply
ok
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