Re: I Am a Snob, or, 'A Definition' by JakeBike	29-Apr-03/3:06 PM
amen, but you forgot the "goth" sub-genre... where common themes and words include "blood, darkness, soul, cutting"
regarding some deleted poem...	5-May-03/10:25 AM
show, don't tell
Re: News Values (some time last November) by Nicholas Jones	5-May-03/10:29 AM
very well structured, very nice iambic and ryhme i would suggest working on the couplet at the end... it feels a little stilted
Re: THE MISSING HEART by Prince of Void	5-May-03/10:32 AM
this is not a sonnet, you should look up the structure... sonnets are strictly iambic pentameter, you can deviate a little, but not that much you also follow a strict ryhme scheme depending on the type english sonnet for instance is: abab cdcd efef gg that last couplet (gg) should answer the previous stanzas somehow
Re: While flipping over stones by <{Baba^Yaga}>	5-May-03/10:35 AM
your content and ryhme are excellent, and your meter over all is iambic, but you miss the "pentameter" part of the english sonnet form basically every line should have 10 syllables otherwise, good work!
Re: A Sonnet For Santa Claus, Who Hates Jesus, But Likes When You Buy Things by snacktime	5-May-03/10:37 AM
pretty interesting poem, structurally sound, but i think your iambic meter could use a little work i liked it, but it does feel a bit preachy (but maybe that's what you were going for?)
Re: The canary's last song by <{Baba^Yaga}>	30-May-03/2:16 PM
i would give a higher rank, but it doesn't follow 5-7-5 syllable restriction but the content is very cool
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Jan-04/10:03 PM
this is trite and elementary, sorry but you get at least a 4 for solid structure
Re: Liberty bells & Disney Land by horus8	10-Jan-04/10:05 PM
hmmm, solid concrete not sure what you are trying to say though still, it's good in what it is
Re: Air sickness bag by Shardik	10-Jan-04/10:06 PM
cute
Re: Cupid promised me, Nadine by Shardik	10-Jan-04/10:13 PM
not a sonnet, sorry
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Jan-04/1:12 PM
you need to show, not tell and you need to be much more specific generic moment in time is just that - generic and no one cares about it don't be afraid to give some of yourself and please run spellchecker before posting :)
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Jan-04/6:32 PM
wow, preachy much? you're never gonna convert anyone with that judgemental tone try reading milton's paradise lost for some good christian poetry
Re: Just Passing Through by southernboy71	26-Jan-04/6:34 PM
i read in your comments that this was written when you were "at the top of Mt. Eagle in Tenn." at a truck stop throw in some specifics about that place to make this more interesting right now it reads more like monologue than poetry
Re: I Go On by drumrgirl30	26-Jan-04/6:37 PM
slant rhyme, enjambment, please use these techniques this is also a great candidate for the split couplet form and i think it would really pick up the pace and fit your theme well also, show us WHY you feel this way and have to keep it all bottled inside
Re: Yea u guys by That One	26-Jan-04/6:39 PM
um, yeah... this is just... yeah... SO bad and hey, if you don't like getting ranked go post your crap somewhere else makes things easier on all of us that way, don't you think?
Re: Lullaby by Goad	26-Jan-04/6:49 PM
i agree with z about the war line it doesn't fit and feels cliché unless "war" refers to some other kind of war (internal) and if so, that should be more obvious and even then, i don't know the ampersands also seemed a bit out of sorts with the other proper punctuation personally i would capitalize "Daddy" and break into a new stanza after that sequence additionally the two instances of "I discovered" and "naked" felt repetitious for no discernable reason however, overall you paint a very surreal and eerie feeling that i enjoyed
Re: Winter Is Coming For Me by Goad	26-Jan-04/6:54 PM
first stanza: its instead of it's i really dislike the entire second stanza, it feels very cliche compared to the rest of the piece third stanza: barren feels too dramatic i thought of this as a potential replacement when i read that line: Leaving my horizon undone. which leads nicely into the next stanza with the sun setting also, nice refrain at the end
Re: Make Love to Me by drumrgirl30	26-Jan-04/7:42 PM
"body, heart & soul"??? come on, i know you know that this has got to be the worlds most cliche word combo don't you know this??? ugh, this is putrid