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Winter Is Coming For Me (Lyric) by Goad
The winter is coming for me A bower in the teeth of the wind A hillock of snow and black ice It comes with a grave in it's mouth And I'm already cold at the edge I have no reason to tell Why I have blasphemed the sun Why I have sought out the night Then stood and laughed at the moon Why I've been idle in air I think I was born to a fear That a great thing would slip from my grasp Would shatter and turn every head To the skittering silence it left Leaving me barren, undone. So I have watched a sun set From every crossroad I found And awoke every morning the same In a wilderness starting again And the winter is coming for me. The winter is coming for me A bower in the teeth of the wind A hillock of snow and black ice For the wanter and waster a grave And I'm already cold at the edge

Up the ladder: Kill me
Down the ladder: Old Man

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 01
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.. 30
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
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.. 00
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Weighted score: 5.4482355
Overall Rank: 2946
Posted: January 18, 2004 1:01 PM PST; Last modified: January 18, 2004 1:01 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] andrewjthomas @ 192.150.10.200 | 26-Jan-04/6:54 PM | Reply
first stanza: its instead of it's
i really dislike the entire second stanza, it feels very cliche compared to the rest of the piece
third stanza: barren feels too dramatic
i thought of this as a potential replacement when i read that line:

Leaving my horizon undone.

which leads nicely into the next stanza with the sun setting
also, nice refrain at the end
[n/a] Goad @ 217.82.0.76 > andrewjthomas | 27-Jan-04/4:00 AM | Reply
this pome was really intended as a joke, it's all clichés. I put a little effort into the anapestic trimeter, but no effort into the content or imagery. Isn't that what a lyric is, lol?
[8] andrewjthomas @ 192.150.10.200 > Goad | 27-Jan-04/9:21 AM | Reply
i'd have to disagree
i think a lyric piece can be wonderful
and avoid cliché
anyway, why write jokes when you could write something great?
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