| Re: The Umpteenth Home by EAger to Offend |
14-Jul-03/9:27 AM |
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Vague poem, I like the second line alot. -8-
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jul-03/9:29 AM |
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Very cryptic, but you tie it all in together very nicely. -9-
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| Re: Wanksta by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w |
14-Jul-03/9:30 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jul-03/9:57 AM |
Feel Special.
I'm gonna take some time and offer you some very useful advice, and critism.
Lots of emotion, but any kid whose been dumpt by a whore for one of his friends could write this almost the same way. I like how you just left in one blob, Takes it from the sappy cheese eating high school boy mentality. No Capital letters? Most of this should have been in caps to add a screaming effect to the anger thats running like a raging waterfall thru this poem. Now then the rest of your writing style I'm make comments on when I see something else you've written.
As for what your writing about.. I want you to pay close attention. Avoid writing about LOVE, in any of its forms its been done to death and the corpse is mutilated by children who have no clue what they are doing. Avoid writing about suicide. Cause unless its funnier than shit, you'll be blessed with alot of fucking zeros, more than likey one from me. Now then those are two of the major things to avoid. After reading some of richa, god'swife, and some Mr. Pig, I think you might be ready for some love poetry. For anything involving death, read Caducus. For humor in its finest form read some Horus8, -=Dark_Angel=-, and if you're not easy to offend Settle. Those are very good places to find the elements to being a semi-decent poet.
As a title I'd go with Another Stupid Whore.
Just trying to be helpful and offer some advice,
'_'
thepinkbunnyofdoom
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jul-03/10:19 AM |
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Um.. Yeah Kiddo. No offense, but very cliche. Poetic, but cliche. Hmmm.. How to put this gently, I've read alot of poems about walls, and santuarys. Good fences make good nieghbor and yadada type crap. Look read more poetry and the comments beneath them. It will teach you how to write better than you are. Read some books as well, but not those collections of small never heard of would be poets, I mean like The Complete Works of Keats, like Lyrical Ballads, like Where the Sidewalk Ends. Books by a single poet, or with a limited number of poets, as opposed to every poem written by a Weekend Wanna Be, whose poem somebody in publishing thought was cute. While I'm listing off good books to read and learn about poetry, I also highly suggest the classics such as Cat and the Hat, Green Eggs and Ham, and other childhood favorites.
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| Re: walking by Rodavlas |
14-Jul-03/4:18 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jul-03/4:21 PM |
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*a small woodland creature suffering from many dilusions stands on his back two paws and cheers* "Bravo, Bravo, Encore, ENCORE, I WANT MORE" *hands you a -10-*
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| Re: thought & memory by Bill Z Bub |
14-Jul-03/4:24 PM |
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This tickles the little hampster running on a wheel in my brain's nut sack. -10-
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-Jul-03/2:36 PM |
Interesting. Just for kicks..
Fuck = Fornification Under Consent of King
Ponder that one.
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| Re: Joe is Dead Now by Freethinker1602 |
19-Jul-03/2:46 PM |
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Touching, but more details please. Why is this Joe So important to you, Who the hell is he? That type of stuff.
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| Re: Tears and Tombstones by OnTheOtherHand |
19-Jul-03/2:50 PM |
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| Re: Death Wish by Kitch |
19-Jul-03/2:59 PM |
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Wow.. You do suck. I mean even at sucking. This is merely Mediocore. Not good, not bad. Just there.
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| Re: Fucking B by A sad syrupless Waffel by horus8 |
19-Jul-03/3:39 PM |
LMMFAO!!!
I was only hoping for a Comment on the poem, not a whole poem! Props. JB, You made my day. -10-
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| Re: The first time in forever by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
20-Jul-03/5:26 PM |
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Wow. Just when I think you can't shock me anymore *BLAM*. Nice.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Jul-03/6:26 PM |
Magic cocktail hour
golden shower
champaign gone sour
spoiled grapes
piss stained drapes
Past out apes
the life of a drunk
your local monk
from the bottom bunk
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| Re: Bloody Night by Ted Bundy |
20-Jul-03/8:41 PM |
Oh what shock value. I have never read anything half as demented as this in my entire life. Your a creepy guy.
Is that what your looking for? Sorry, to disappoint.
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| Re: I am the gayest by walrus8 |
21-Jul-03/11:21 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Jul-03/11:27 AM |
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Hmm.. I if your talking about the guy who sits by the window, in the second row toward the front, His Name is Dirty Dan.
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| Re: Her Sleeping Form by JoyLuck |
23-Jul-03/6:47 PM |
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Please tell me you ate skittles afterwords. I mean whats a good murder without some skittles after? Only the crazy motherfuckers have to have a smoke and a stiff drink afterwords. The sane ones eat skittles and and drink a nice healthy glass of milk. -8-
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| Re: knott's berry farm, jam & polaroids by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
23-Jul-03/6:50 PM |
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You should have asked her for a beer too. -9-
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