Re: opening time? by wormsy	28-Aug-03/1:39 PM
like the first two lines, admittedly the first is nicked. Set up well but flounders, why are his eyes full of puss?
Re: Birds of Paradise by Domus	28-Aug-03/1:42 PM
flows nice, the pointy is clear. Pays service to a little imagery. And your sister unable to vomit. Funny rats can't vomit either although the do feel sick if you inject them with saline. anyway quite good
Re: The Mellifluous Sound of God: Musical Eden by Don-Quixote	28-Aug-03/1:46 PM
not particularly poetic reads well as prose though lots of surprise images. Loses it a bit with phantasmagoric though
Re: Picasso: A Painters Revenge by SupremeDreamer	28-Aug-03/1:53 PM
not sure you deserve the low marks but this kind of thing really gets up peoples noses. has the same nice form of your other poems but.... 'bright colours can never be tuned out of the mind' where have i heard that.... halmark/johnk/a daniel bedingfield song?
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Sep-03/7:24 AM
posted this a while ago, And somewhere else where a couple of people slated it. Thinking of editing it, perhaps building a place around the kind of narrative. Any pointers
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Sep-03/7:27 AM
so many things wrong with this. Still nevermind, I'm sure the kids'll laugh
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Sep-03/7:30 AM
yeah ok, could do with being a bit shorter. I got the point early on and you just kept repeating it.
Re: The Last Day Of Christ by Mr Pig	4-Sep-03/7:45 AM
an adept use of religious language. 'yeast baptized in wine' is a good idea, I think it says people feasting with bread and wine. There is no need for baptized though, the (red) wine of communion is sufficient to make the christ reference. Some of the bigger words seem to impede the flow, so it is best to have no redundancy. I like 'a carpenter dying on wood' an interesting irony to point out
Re: The One and Only by J.B. Manning	4-Sep-03/7:50 AM
the last line is a bit infantile, and destroys the flow. Other than that it has a rather good lyrical flow, a bit like a rap song. And a rap song about the one and only me is hardly original. But overall quite enjoyable
Re: Curiously here by philthegreek	4-Sep-03/7:53 AM
Its ok up to half way, then it loses its meter at 'old and grey' and nothing really happens
Re: none by tadpole	4-Sep-03/7:58 AM
ok, it seems a bit distant of any poetic insight. More of a coherent statement. Not bad but needs more of the writers individuality.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Sep-03/8:13 AM
women have bodily fluids but I'm not sure they have fluid bodies. 'Scarlet' and the like are horrible words to use because they sound as if they have been contrived, if you are not going to draw a comparison with some other object you might as well say red. Doesn't seem to follow in many parts 'yet.. we struggle to pierce the curtain of the night. Why yet, as the light is dying it would be expected you could not pierce the night. It all looks too much like the writer is aiming for some template of a good poem, you get all the right words in but there is no sense of an image.
Re: What's World Peace? by DeadtotheWorld	6-Sep-03/12:37 PM
I am sure much of this is true, but it needs framing better. A different perspective, something to interest the cynic
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Sep-03/12:45 PM
not uninteresting swing ingfrom 'she will not listen' (she doesn't want you), to 'to try and forgive her' (as though she seeks your approval' Not much to go on though
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Sep-03/3:27 AM
everything is a cliche, and unsubstantiated words tossed around like evil and insanity. The rhythm is good, but I'm not sure the frivolous treatment of schizophrenia is entirely appropriate. Unless the voices in your head are god? then you are divine (szasz), but it needs to be a bit more explicit about that.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Sep-03/3:31 AM
fun excursion into the realms of shakespearian sonnet. Rather good
Re: the blessed by forevergreen	7-Sep-03/3:44 AM
pain is a gift?
Re: On getting back by horus8	9-Sep-03/7:41 AM
image and ambiguity, violence a fine piece
Re: At a hotel room in Royal Oak by horus8	9-Sep-03/8:41 AM
good this, I meant to comment when you wrote it but my computer crashed. Of all your poems this one and the if people still dont know why people hate america they should get out some more one are ones that I keep remembering
Re: Can you believe this piece of shit was #1? by horus8	9-Sep-03/8:52 AM
yes, teams of editors tend to pick 'competition' style poems that noeone will argue too much about. Editors just distill. Anyway I will rank your poem later, what score do you want?