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Member since 2003 · Posted 3 Sep 2003 · 11 comments

I am proud I congradulate my sorry self inside No one knows My persona displays humility of mind I detest it Ever endeavoring to be rid of it I am aware True confidence I crave The source of which I found is actually near I'm not so bad I think to myself in silence I am wrong Left alone my nature's capable of every kind of violence

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11 comments

[9] sliver 3-Sep-03/11:56 AM Reply

Good rhythm. i really like this. Let's see some more 1

[n/a] tadpole › sliver 3-Sep-03/3:55 PM Reply

thanks, I don't have anymore

[n/a] abecedarian 3-Sep-03/12:19 PM Reply

congratulate, but nice

[n/a] tadpole › abecedarian 3-Sep-03/3:56 PM Reply

whoops, yeah I see it now

[8] J.B. Manning 3-Sep-03/1:07 PM Reply

interesting. It ALMOST works really well, but there is something about the ryme that feels forced. Like, it's not exactly what you wanted to say, but the only thing you could put there to complete the rythm. I think you can do better. Good though.

[n/a] tadpole › J.B. Manning 3-Sep-03/4:07 PM Reply

yeah it was kinda rushed, thanks for the honesty. . .about doing better, I just wrote it to put something on here since it wasn't fair for me to comment on everyone's without them having a chance to comment or rip on mine. . .I don't know if I'll write anymore

[8] J.B. Manning › J.B. Manning 8-Sep-03/4:48 PM Reply

Tad, I think this has a LOT of potential. I'm no expert, but I know a good piece when I see one. I think if you worked on it, lengthen it, focused your energy like a fine tuned lazar, baby, you've had a nice red hot spot in the middle of the board.

[10] electroman1979 3-Sep-03/8:41 PM Reply

good poem, loved it, you should write more

[7] richa 4-Sep-03/7:58 AM Reply

ok, it seems a bit distant of any poetic insight. More of a coherent statement.

Not bad but needs more of the writers individuality.

[3] <~> 4-Sep-03/9:09 AM Reply

this is only an intro.

and richa is right--it is devoid of any specifics, any individuality.

[n/a] tadpole › <~> 4-Sep-03/2:59 PM Reply

thanks, maybe I'll try and rewrite it sometime