| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Dec-03/7:50 AM |
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you need to at least give a clue as to why you will know whether you have won or lost (what?) until your life is through.
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| Re: Friday afternoon Zoo by INTRANSIT |
23-Dec-03/7:54 AM |
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This could be a commentary from either side of the cage. (I'm guessing the spectators)
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| Re: Words: lost in translation by fair12 |
23-Dec-03/7:56 AM |
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very good, line breaks and fresh images on every line. My favourite is 'as a lake in a thimble'
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Dec-03/8:06 AM |
The rhythm is too disrupted, too many words repeated, the third verse conclusion doesn't track with the argument.
The first two verses at least got my interest though, as though they were going to say something.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Dec-03/8:09 AM |
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Is this true, or did you use your imagination?
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| Re: TRUTH by somemorepoetry |
23-Dec-03/8:12 AM |
FALSEHOOD
cute idea though, whimsical.
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| Re: Little Bird by Blindpoetry |
23-Dec-03/8:15 AM |
(a)bsurd.
Quite good, the bit about loving the bird at the end is daft. The selfishness to keep the bird for yourself, saying the outside world is worse, praising captivity is rather well written.
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| Re: You Give Me Love by Free2Rhyme15 |
23-Dec-03/8:18 AM |
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| Re: her treasure by amber1028 |
23-Dec-03/8:20 AM |
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rather sweet, could do with a couple of original images to grab the reader.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Dec-03/3:37 PM |
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Old ground but nevertheless a well textured poem, reads well, mature style I think. One of your best.
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| Re: Live for Die for by firestorm998 |
27-Dec-03/3:39 PM |
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You could at least have made an effort.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Dec-03/3:42 PM |
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A bit sparse, but I like its balladesque style, rushes through nicely.
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| Re: Fire by Pervy Elf |
27-Dec-03/3:47 PM |
'I have you trapped now' seemed a little odd. Can girls do that?
Other than that OK, there is a certain sadness underneath all the clumsiness.
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| Re: Lenola prays with a stiletto by SupremeDreamer |
27-Dec-03/3:54 PM |
Liberal use of religious language gives this a certain place.
But the stabbing the priest bit, yes it is extreme but why did it happen? The mood seems resigned rather than violent up until then. And why 'husbands stilletos'
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| Re: dipsipglish by Crakyamuni |
27-Dec-03/3:56 PM |
A joke at the expense of rap language?
the first line is the best I think, funny
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| Re: Love Is In The Air by Blindpoetry |
27-Dec-03/3:58 PM |
Can it [love] be blue?
Well yes, on film it can. Having said that love in this situation can be rather euphemistic.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Dec-03/4:00 PM |
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did a schizophrenic write this?
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| Re: Is this life real? by singinkygal |
28-Dec-03/12:05 PM |
The end is a bit trite: 'of course it is real (or so it seems)' is not going to add to centuries of debate about human existence.
Is this life real sounds like some innanity from a j-lo song too.
Aside from this though, I certainly like the fluid phrasing.
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| Re: I cant stand you by sk8rs_rule_all |
29-Dec-03/9:24 AM |
Rather a round about way to say you hate someone for smothering you.
Anyway, I'm on dylans side.
Also read your 'about page': 'if I write poetry as bad as I skateboard I will end up with a broken arm' (something like that.
Classic nonsense, ace, spike milligan would've been proud.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Dec-03/9:25 AM |
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