Re: a comment on Crowded by INTRANSIT	11-Mar-06/4:44 PM
Well I like the rhymes - when I read it I didn't actually notice them at first as I was focusing on the images; so to me they work well as a rhythmic device. It's just line 4 that brought it to my attention, it was sort of a 'why's he said that...oh right' moment. I tend to find that it's easy to tell when a poem's been based around the rhymes, in contrast to the rhymes just being a tool. And they're definitely a tool here (which is preferable in my opinion), so there's probably no need for downtoning. How about changing the whole rhyme. Maybe 'their minute arcs/sleepless in the dark' instead? I'm not sure, it might or might not work. I spent hours yesterday trying my hand at a villanelle so I'm kind of rhymed out at the moment.
Re: Windflower by matt door	11-Mar-06/4:34 PM
I thought this was going to be a collection of haikus when I first saw it. I'd have to agree with ecargo and Niphredil, the rest of it is very pretty. The final stanza in particular brought a smile to my face.
Re: Navy Pier by matt door	11-Mar-06/4:28 PM
'In such peculiar concert/with your silly laugh' did it for me. A simple poem which manages to end up greater than the sum of its lines.
Re: Mango Pickle by amanda_dcosta	11-Mar-06/4:25 PM
This is nice, in a 'Hi ho, hi ho it's off to work we go!' kind of way - it's the sort of poem that needs communal speech. I like the semi-rhyme in stanza 2, it's subtle enough to not override the rest of the poem, while still helping the rhythm along.
Re: Crowded by INTRANSIT	11-Mar-06/4:22 PM
Good to see you back, my long-distance amigo! I like this, very catchy and ever so slightly surreal; personifying the gauges works very nicely. Line 4 feels a little...awkward though. 'Leaving naught to keep' felt much more archaic than the rest - but then again, I can't think of anything you might replace it with.
Re: a comment on Piano by Dovina	10-Mar-06/4:16 PM
Well the crocodiles do it to project a sort of pleasent ambience towards the local plover population, whereas the whales do it to ensure the general marketability of such film franchises as 'Free Willy'.
Re: a comment on Piano by Dovina	10-Mar-06/4:06 PM
Oh, and I'm not from Wales, I'm just living here temporarily, being a student and all that jazz.
Re: a comment on Piano by Dovina	10-Mar-06/4:03 PM
Sorry, I thought it was the adopted 'ranker spelling. We ought to have a 'seafood dictionary' on here just for reference. And while we're on the Wales jokes, it's time for the mandatory terrible pun. 'Why is Wales so wet? Because of all the leeks.' In normal circumstances I would have avoided saying that at all costs. But all this talk of crocodiles, whales, prawn(e)s and Wales demands it.
Re: a comment on I’m unsaid and dead by Prince of Void	10-Mar-06/3:59 PM
Yeah, I was thinking more along the lines of Camus though, as I'm assuming that's where our Prince of Void was drawing his inspiration from. All that 'absurdity' nonsense. Tch.
Re: a comment on Piano by Dovina	10-Mar-06/3:52 PM
And besides, the crocodile/whale conflict has been going on for thousands of years now in oceans and rivers across the globe. If it stopped now the philosophers would be out of employment.
Re: a comment on Piano by Dovina	10-Mar-06/3:51 PM
Easy. "Crocodhale". It's the next step in evolution, where a crocodile's teeth have grown so long that its mouth resembles that of a whale, but with still enough space to consume fish, eels, prawnes, smaller crocodiles, people etc. It'll also be a heavenly word for those people who like to affect a poor upper-class inflection to their accent.
Re: a comment on I’m unsaid and dead by Prince of Void	10-Mar-06/3:46 PM
Great comment, by the way!
Re: a comment on I’m unsaid and dead by Prince of Void	10-Mar-06/3:45 PM
Albert would have been dismayed. Remember Sisyphus!
Re: The Worst Poem Ever Created (edited) by drnick	10-Mar-06/2:46 PM
This is great fun!
Re: Buried in the Booth (edit) by drnick	10-Mar-06/2:45 PM
I've just remembered I said I'd come back to comment again on this; first things first, I can't get your 'Dead Poet's Dream' out of my head! As for this one; well aside from feeling prose-y, I can't find fault with it. Personally, I like lots of description in some poems - and you do it very well here. Stanza 5 = genius, in my opinion. And the penultimate and concluding stanzas work perfectly with the feel of the piece; a sort of resigned satisfaction. I hope I don't sound pretentious or patronising, but your writing has got so much better in recent posts!
Re: Emo Kid by Fayt	10-Mar-06/10:52 AM
Ha! You need to change it to: "I'll knit you a sweater And things will get better" In order for it to genuinely be a limerick. I heard from a friend that someone he knows got beaten up by a gang of about 17 emo kids...unbelievable isn't it? I can only assume they managed to depress him half to death...
Re: The great seven of Coloumbia the space ship by Dhanesh M Kumar	10-Mar-06/3:45 AM
This is nice as a tribute, although grammatically it needs improvement. 'To siege' doesn't work - you can use siege as a verb, but it becomes 'besiege'. If you want it as a noun, put a comma after it "To siege, off beyond..." 'Up the fore' doesn't work either, I don't think. 'To the fore' would be fine though. Lines 4-6 I think I know what you mean but the wording is awkward. Also 'Colombia'. I think there are a couple of other corrections that need making, but I'll let someone else spot them. I really like the talk of seven seas/wonders/capes/sages, and 'the seven pearls of Colombia' is a great line. So is 'perhaps in pursuit of capes of ether'. Keep working at this one, it promises to be a really good poem!
Re: a comment on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar	9-Mar-06/6:05 PM
Please run for Prime Minister. I'm not joking.
Re: a comment on Spring Rolls by Ranger	9-Mar-06/2:39 PM
No idea, I'm living here as a...ssh...as a student...so my heritage is English - but I shall have to find out in the summer. My New Year's resolution was to explore the country of my residence a bit more, when I have some money I might buy a decent pair of walking boots and terrorise some ramblers. But not until the summer. I did climb Snowdon once, the 'hard way' (i.e. by train). It was quite impressive at the top, despite being one hundred percent inside a massive cloud.
Re: a comment on Sour Apple by ecargo	9-Mar-06/2:30 PM
Oh man...I just wrote an epic comment only for Internet Exploder to fall apart...*tears hair out* Okay, so what did I write? Oh yes. 'Damascened' works perfectly where it is for both the differing shades of bark on the trees, and also if you imagine the rose in front of a tree - 'jagged' ties it in with the metal theme very nicely. The great effect you get from it is that stanzas 1-3 give a very grey-sky steely colour to the piece - then there's a quick flash of vivid green, suddenly replaced again by the silver-grey mirror. It fits extremely well, particularly given that this place isn't for her - 'she is haste and neon hues' (another great line, by the way!) 'Let her stride' is a good line, although I got the impression of her striding away from this grey land, rather than to it. Also, 'sun fails' and 'wind whines' are pretty worn - you could get away with keeping one of them, but in my opinion you'd do well to change at least one. The idea of towers and canyons brings images of teeth, which again sits nicely alongside 'jagged' - that whole theme is really well done, the jagged metal teeth sound very evil indeed. And finally - 'bird-flashed lake' is fantastic!