Re: a comment on Spring Rolls by Ranger	9-Mar-06/1:47 PM
Spring over here bites, gnaws and chews...trust me on this!
Re: Stella 130 by BenRice	9-Mar-06/1:42 PM
There's good potential here, but it's not quite living up to the promise it shows in places. 'Wires invade my couch' is good, made me think of springs sticking through the fabric. However, 'cat-poop' and 'moo-ing' in particular are (in my opinion) crying out to be replaced by something a little more...well, poetic. Still, a nice sentiment.
Re: Sour Apple by ecargo	9-Mar-06/1:36 PM
This is very groovy, it appeals to my sense of taste (no pun intended) as I'm sure you expected! I'd have liked to see the rhyme continued over stanza 3...although it's loose throughout the piece, it gets too loose there. Stanza 1 gave me the impression of violence, that seemed carried over stanza 2 as well (glassed, jagged etc.). Stanza 4 is excellent, vanity of fairytales always makes for superb imagery. With 'a copse of beeches, damascened' is there supposed to be the play on 'damsel' and 'damson' (damsel relating to the fairytale, damson relating to the 'foresty' theme there)? Because I read it that way - aided by a misreading of 'damascened' on first sight. I love the literal use of damascened there as well - nicely original. 8 for now, I feel that stanza 3 is in need of a little surgery to get up to the standard of the rest.
Re: the comet by pollywolly	9-Mar-06/11:56 AM
Quite cool, but you could probably turn this into a concrete poem. Which would be definitely cool. I liked the ending.
Re: a comment on _The Black Prince_ by Caducus	9-Mar-06/11:53 AM
A fair point, although I saw the contrast of settings as quite appropriate - the love which he had went wrong, so move to something different. I read the last line as almost an invitation...the wind jeers, true, but almost in a 'told you so' kind of way - suggesting that he should instead go wherever the jeering wind came from. Does that make any sense?
Re: a comment on _The Black Prince_ by Caducus	9-Mar-06/10:07 AM
The 'lavender knoll' has a very sinsiter feel to it; that was intentional, right? The last stanza packs more jealousy into it than any daytime chat show could ever manage, for that I must congratulate you.
Re: _The Black Prince_ by Caducus	9-Mar-06/8:57 AM
I have little of use to say here, save that I don't give out tens with quite the frequency that I used to. So why is this a ten? Well it is just supreme. Every line demands its price in this, and that price is that I must read it again and again. So many sub-layers exist in here that don't follow through the entire poem; and I expect everyone who reads this can see different segments of their lives in every stanza. That is a rare achievement.
Re: a comment on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar	9-Mar-06/7:51 AM
Actually, when I first joined up I read a comment by -=Dark_Angel=- (back then he wasn't P.I.'d) telling someone his username was copyrighted, and I genuinely believed it! Of course, he's going to surface soon and tell me with great indignation that his username really is copyrighted (2002, -=Dark_Angel=- enterprises Ltd.) isn't he? *Braces self for impact*
Re: The Dead Poet's Dream by drnick	9-Mar-06/4:36 AM
This is so close to being favourited; I love so many of the lines in here. The only one that didn't work for me is 'Sewing society's threads'...I'm not sure why, but that grated somehow. Other than that, I think the rhyme and structure is excellent and the wordplay is very good ('Ski his schemes', 'The scene is mosaic' (actually one of the best lines I've read of yours!), 'As he weaves his lines', etc.) Actually, now I think about it, there's so much that I like in here. Sod it. Favourited!
Re: a comment on Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim	9-Mar-06/4:03 AM
No! I gave up veggie burgers for Lent!
Re: a comment on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar	8-Mar-06/6:11 PM
Cheeky so-and-so. Our boys get all the bum jobs while the rest of Europe sits around guarding bunkers. Aren't I enlightened!
Re: Bent and Broken Wings by TLRufener	8-Mar-06/10:08 AM
Line 12 needs a typo fixing. This was quite nice...but it left me feeling a little unsatisfied. I found the last three lines good, quite evocative, but the rest of the poem failed to build up to it enough. I think the problem is that it's a bit vague and somewhat cliched - 'Doing what the heart feels/Instead of what the mind thinks' don't really make me feel or think anything. 'Lying alone at night/Wrapped in unloving blankets' is good and could easily be built upon; give me solid images rather than hazy emotions. Still, this has plenty of potential.
Re: a comment on Spinning, reeling by ecargo	8-Mar-06/9:58 AM
Hah! Personally I quite liked the ecargo approach, but I'll take your word for it!
Re: a comment on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar	8-Mar-06/9:56 AM
It was stanza two that did it, I got the feeling he was talking about the troops being the ones 'throwing apart' (which doesn't really make sense either) the skulls and being rejoiced by the oil; probably due to the current attitudes being hurled around by the media. I don't know what it's like across the water, but over here the press are having the times of their lives throwing out stories about our troops beating up 'innocent civilians' (the same innocent civilians who, it would seem, mortared them just seconds earlier). I'm sure I don't know nearly enough about it though. I liked your 'memo'! It put an amused smile on my face, although it took several efforts to get the link to work...probably my awful net connection than kaolin, but that didn't stop me swearing at all and sundry...
Re: Spinning, reeling by ecargo	8-Mar-06/9:45 AM
Heh...it took me while to get this one to open but the effort was worth it. This has possibly the greatest closing stanza of any political poem ever!
Re: a comment on The King Of Loserville by mindsigns	8-Mar-06/9:38 AM
Star Wars was great up until Episode 2. What did you think to Episode 3?
Re: a comment on 10/8 by cronus	8-Mar-06/9:36 AM
The problem is, you call God uncaring. If he doesn't care, then it won't matter a jot what you sacrifice - nothing will be enough, because there isn't an 'enough' to achieve. I'd suggest changing 'uncaring' to pretty much anything else. Then it will become a little clearer.
Re: a comment on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar	8-Mar-06/9:25 AM
Haha! Two of the funniest comments I've read in ages!
Re: a comment on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar	8-Mar-06/9:23 AM
I'll be honest, I don't hold the view that I put forward, just bits of it, but I did it to show Dhanesh that just as that that extreme view is naive and hasty, so is his. I know Iraq didn't attack you, but the man who masterminded it was strongly linked with the Taliban regime (Afghanistan, I know, I meant it though). Why I'm defending the Americans I don't know, you should be good enough at doing that yourselves. But I get really angry about the way the British troops are treated, despite the shitty situation they've found themselves in. In my defence, I'm not hostile to the poem *because* it's about Iraq. I'm hostile to the view put forward in it though. Similarly, if I read a poem saying 'kill the Jews' I'd write a similarly derogatory comment, not because the poem's about antisemitism, but because I disagree entirely with its theme. Anyway, this wasn't really meant to lead to an argument. Peace?
Re: The Thief by Niphredil	8-Mar-06/4:11 AM
Yes, a reflection of the way the condemned notices small details. Nice.