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Bent and Broken Wings (Free verse) by TLRufener Lying alone at night
Unclothed, unloved,
Remembering a not-so-distant touch,
I wonder why
My angel was taken from me.
Perfection in my eyes;
Gently caressing with his touch;
The only love I have ever known
Now, only a memory.
That touch still lingers
As does a burning kiss
Drawing m nearer to the edge.
The edge of reason and respect;
Of following orders and commands.
Doing what the heart feels
Instead of what the mind thinks.
Being able to turn back.
Asking forgiveness for something
That can never be fully explained;
Never fully understood.
Lying alone at night
Wrapped in unloving blankets,
Remembering a forbidden love,
I cry for the loss of my angel.
I gave my hopes and dreams,
And now leave them forever
On his bent and broken wings.
Up the ladder:
The Mirror
Down the ladder:
Stolen Innocence
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Posted: March 8, 2006 9:46 AM PST; Last modified: March 8, 2006 9:46 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.928861 Overall Rank: 9209 Comments:
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This was quite nice...but it left me feeling a little unsatisfied. I found the last three lines good, quite evocative, but the rest of the poem failed to build up to it enough. I think the problem is that it's a bit vague and somewhat cliched - 'Doing what the heart feels/Instead of what the mind thinks' don't really make me feel or think anything.
'Lying alone at night/Wrapped in unloving blankets' is good and could easily be built upon; give me solid images rather than hazy emotions.
Still, this has plenty of potential.