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_The Black Prince_

Member since 2002 · Posted 9 Mar 2006 · 6 comments

A siege of lashes were her eyes armour, a moat for her kingdom once conquered by I, the Black Prince. Those who fight for lost causes are gallant cowards. I saw the battlefield yet was blind to the casualties my blue Princess. Knights are often shrouded, only seen when glorious. I was heroic when I lowered my arms around her waist, surrendering my flesh for lips that became my war cry. I was slain by myself. Absent from your battle inside, as good as dead to you since I entered another kingdom. From the lavender knoll I watch your new Prince enter cheer and garlands bestow him and I am left in a jeering wind which whispers Seppuku.

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4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

A favorite of Ranger.

6 comments

[10] Ranger 9-Mar-06/8:57 AM Reply

I have little of use to say here, save that I don't give out tens with quite the frequency that I used to. So why is this a ten? Well it is just supreme. Every line demands its price in this, and that price is that I must read it again and again. So many sub-layers exist in here that don't follow through the entire poem; and I expect everyone who reads this can see different segments of their lives in every stanza. That is a rare achievement.

[n/a] Caducus › Ranger 9-Mar-06/9:46 AM Reply

Thanks.

A lot about men in this one. The end isnt so much a death of him in the mortal sense but a death of what he had and i guess seppuku is out of contrast but its the suicide throes of a samurai when he dishonours himself. The sword is an almost phallic representation and the kingdom entered is meant in a sexual context. I courted with the idea of using the lady in the lake and lady of shallot but figured enough was said.

I'm not 100% happy with it but it serves as a warning i guess to those who have something good in a woman and cheat on them and themselves.

Conscience is a battle.

[10] Ranger › Caducus 9-Mar-06/10:07 AM Reply

The 'lavender knoll' has a very sinsiter feel to it; that was intentional, right? The last stanza packs more jealousy into it than any daytime chat show could ever manage, for that I must congratulate you.

[8] Niphredil 9-Mar-06/11:38 AM Reply

This is extremely good. However, I disagree with Ranger in that it still needs some work.

First and foremost, 'Seppuku' jarred on me intensely because I had envisioned a medieval setting; it doesn't seem to harmonize at all with the rest of the poem.
In addition, shouldn't "conquered by I" be "conquered by me; the Black Prince"?

Not until I had read the poem again did I notice that the narrator was forced to conquer the kingdom; but the other prince was greeted by cheer(s?) and garlands. I guess he had it easier...

[10] Ranger › Niphredil 9-Mar-06/11:53 AM Reply

A fair point, although I saw the contrast of settings as quite appropriate - the love which he had went wrong, so move to something different. I read the last line as almost an invitation...the wind jeers, true, but almost in a 'told you so' kind of way - suggesting that he should instead go wherever the jeering wind came from.
Does that make any sense?

[n/a] Dental Panic 9-Mar-06/5:51 PM Reply

To me this is just a piece of pretentious crap. Jeering winds that whisper seppuku? Imagine how that sounds: like someone has knocked its front teeth out. sssseppuku...

'surrendering my flesh for lips
that became my war cry.'

Yeah, life's a bitch.