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_The Black Prince_ (Free verse) by Caducus

A siege of lashes were her eyes armour, a moat for her kingdom once conquered by I, the Black Prince. Those who fight for lost causes are gallant cowards. I saw the battlefield yet was blind to the casualties my blue Princess. Knights are often shrouded, only seen when glorious. I was heroic when I lowered my arms around her waist, surrendering my flesh for lips that became my war cry. I was slain by myself. Absent from your battle inside, as good as dead to you since I entered another kingdom. From the lavender knoll I watch your new Prince enter cheer and garlands bestow him and I am left in a jeering wind which whispers Seppuku.

Niphredil 9-Mar-06/11:38 AM
This is extremely good. However, I disagree with Ranger in that it still needs some work.

First and foremost, 'Seppuku' jarred on me intensely because I had envisioned a medieval setting; it doesn't seem to harmonize at all with the rest of the poem.
In addition, shouldn't "conquered by I" be "conquered by me; the Black Prince"?

Not until I had read the poem again did I notice that the narrator was forced to conquer the kingdom; but the other prince was greeted by cheer(s?) and garlands. I guess he had it easier...




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