| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Windflower (Free verse) by matt door Can a lilac bloom
be like the primrose passion
of wholeness lost?
Like the salty-sweet
electric swell
of reckless was?
Like our entwinement
of new moist
suntanned bliss of then?
Can it smell
even half as sweet
as her heavy breath come dawn?
Like the young,
whispered promise
of brand-new forever?
Up the ladder:
Christmas Break
Down the ladder:
Alone
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.4
Posted: March 10, 2006 7:11 PM PST; Last modified: March 10, 2006 7:11 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.166884 Overall Rank: 5046 Comments:
[9]
ecargo @ 63.22.8.115
|
10-Mar-06/7:58 PM
|
Reply
"Primrose passion" bugs me, but the rest is pretty good.
I'm afraid my heavy breath come dawn isn't that sweet... that aside, I enjoyed the composition and flow of your poem.
I thought this was going to be a collection of haikus when I first saw it. I'd have to agree with ecargo and Niphredil, the rest of it is very pretty. The final stanza in particular brought a smile to my face.
176 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
