| Re: I'm a ghost by Mutant_X |
19-Apr-03/1:27 AM |
|
There's definitely potential here. I would like to see it more emotive rather than all the emphasis being put on rhyme, but it depends on how you want it. 7 anyway, nice work.
|
|
|
 |
| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Apr-03/1:15 AM |
You in a bad mood or something? Don't worry about hurting him...she's bound to do it for you (I think I'm joking (!))
Here's my part but with different characters:
I liked somebody
She rejected me
It hurt
I gave up and had lunch
(Repeat until asphyxiation)
I believe that this is the best way.
I shall give you an eight and hope you feel better this morning.
|
|
|
|
| Re: When the Future Comes to Pass by e1ementfire |
20-Apr-03/1:17 AM |
|
Sounds like Corrosion of Conformity. Now whatever happened to them...
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Apr-03/1:19 AM |
|
Where was this from? I can't really be arsed to search, but I'm curious nonetheless.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Sarah by talking_goldfish |
20-Apr-03/1:22 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: Salt Water by OneFingerAnswer |
20-Apr-03/1:29 AM |
Beautiful, if you can excuse me being British. I think line 3 is the best. 8
(As an alternative word for silly, maybe you could actually use 'childish'? Just a suggestion).
|
|
|
|
| Re: Dreams by adrenalize |
20-Apr-03/1:36 AM |
|
Yes, I agree. Surely nitol is the answer?
|
|
|
|
| Re: This Night by adrenalize |
20-Apr-03/1:37 AM |
|
Make this one far more erotic.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Apr-03/1:38 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: For my wife by INTRANSIT |
22-Apr-03/10:20 AM |
|
Even better! The breeze is used much more effectively this time. 9
|
|
|
|
| Re: Havin a Slash by Blade |
22-Apr-03/10:23 AM |
Dude, what the fuck? I assume you're not talking about your own brain, cause on the evidence of this you wouldn't even notice if you shat it out. Funny poem though...
(0 to try and get you into the bottom 15)
|
|
|
|
| Re: Loss I havn't yet known by cleverdevice |
23-Apr-03/11:19 AM |
Hey cd how's it going? Have you revised anything yet? I most definitely haven't. Ah well.
Nice poem, short (heh, it's a haiku), blunt and certainly true. It's already garnered a 7 so that shall be the standard by which I shall follow. Good Evening, sir!
|
|
|
|
| Re: spring by <~> |
23-Apr-03/11:23 AM |
Hi z, it's nice to see you back-you haven't logged in for a few days from what I've seen. I was beginning to worry for you.
Love the poem...it's perfect for a haiku (which I suppose is useful!) 9 I think would be a fitting score.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Romans 8 by Freethinker1602 |
23-Apr-03/11:33 AM |
Just remember-there's always somebody who's got it worse. Could I put in a request for a happy poem? Not to worry, hee hee!
Anyways, I like the ending here-I'll give it an 8
Good morning everybody (unless you're over here in which case Good evening)
|
|
|
|
| Re: Fighting erosion by INTRANSIT |
23-Apr-03/11:38 AM |
Hey Mister Truck Driver dude, I read the other one you just posted but I don't have time to comment on both, but they're both cool! This one esp.
I'm going to give this a 9
I'll be posting a new one soon-ish (hopefully) & would love it if you took a look and told me what you think to it!
Cheers anyway!
|
|
|
|
| Re: Where The Fuck Is Saddam? by scitz |
24-Apr-03/10:24 AM |
Excellent!
Where the fuck is our good friend Osama?
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Apr-03/10:30 AM |
|
Hi Cad, nice to see this one redone. I like the look of it, but I've got to go. I'll hopefully check back tomorrow and read through more carefully.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Joshua by Bachus |
26-Apr-03/3:54 AM |
|
Fantastic...one of the few poems anywhere to actually grip me until the end. Absolutely beautiful. 10 and let this hopefully take you into the top 15 because this is worth it.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Death Of A Rose (New draft) by Mr Pig |
26-Apr-03/4:04 AM |
Sorry, my friend Mr Pig dude, but this is two syllables over for a haiku. Perhaps if you changed 'lacerated' to 'ripped', or even 'torn' (to go with 'thorns' albeit badly) then you will be 1 syllable under the limit (this is beginning to sound like we're talking about drink-driving now). Then I reckon you could turn the first 'like' into 'as if' which would take you to exactly 17 and would eliminate the repetition of like. That's my opinion anyway.
Aside from that, I enjoyed this haiku, the laceration and bleeding was well done, and you got the element of sadness spot on. Good stuff. I won't vote now, I will let you digest my thoughts and decide what you want to do and hopefully later I'll come back and take another look.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Jared Leto & Apocalyptic poetry. by Shardik |
26-Apr-03/4:08 AM |
|
Wow you really want to let your opinion out...don't let me stop you.
|
|
|
|
