Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Salt Water (Free verse) by OneFingerAnswer
Funny drops, these bits of salted water Just as their fluid magnifies what we see through them, Their presence magnifies what we feel through them Sadness deepens to despair Joy rises and sores Anger burns and flares Laughter bursts and bubbles ever more And when we cry for no reason, That silly emptyness rings Vibrating deeper and louder Shaking to the very core As if the tears were meant to flow out with every echoed boom Leaving in their wake a vast and meaningless container Running on our faces Leaving trails Like some dried Dead Sea Salted and lifeless

Up the ladder: Stick orgy

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 01
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 01
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 4.25
Weighted score: 4.910598
Overall Rank: 9562
Posted: April 19, 2003 2:18 AM PDT; Last modified: April 19, 2003 10:44 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[7] GekoHawaii @ 166.102.30.41 | 19-Apr-03/7:22 AM | Reply
Overall an amazing poem, but just felt like silly didn't really fit in though. Maybe you could look for a different adjective. Since in the whole dark and wise tone of the whole poem, silly is a little naive and childish.
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.3 > GekoHawaii | 19-Apr-03/3:13 PM | Reply
Using the word silly when it's said with spite is childish? I don't think so. If you can think of a better word I'll thank you but I think it fits fine.
[7] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 19-Apr-03/4:30 PM | Reply
"
As if the tears were meant (to) flow out with every echoed boom.
Leaving in their wake (a) vast and meaningless container". couple erps here, but otherwise, 'right on'.
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.3 > horus8 | 19-Apr-03/10:44 PM | Reply
Thanks again. I guess I should stop typing late at night eh?
[8] Ranger @ 213.1.45.14 | 20-Apr-03/1:29 AM | Reply
Beautiful, if you can excuse me being British. I think line 3 is the best. 8
(As an alternative word for silly, maybe you could actually use 'childish'? Just a suggestion).
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.3 > Ranger | 20-Apr-03/2:05 AM | Reply
Perhaps... I'll consider it. Thank you. (By the by I can't really be angry at the Brits; they make some of the best damn beers in the world)
225 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001