Re: A child's father by rahson_s	3-Apr-06/2:20 AM
Yes, this isn't at all bad. The title's a bit awkward (a child automatically has a father, and to be a father requires having a child). I think you're going for the emotive effect there; in which case 'A Son's Father' would probably work better. Good content, it feels a little too informal in places (I mean, I'm thirty-three', 'never once') but they aren't hugely important criticisms - just how I read it.
Re: Once by xXxDemonicAngelxXx	3-Apr-06/2:24 AM
If you're looking for feedback I'd recommend giving some first. This is okay, not my style really but there are some good lines. 'You once were the savio(u)r of the day' reads nicely. 'here every sound' should be 'hear every sound'. Too many cliches though, invent rather than take what you've heard before.
Re: 9/11 - The Jumpers by Caducus	3-Apr-06/2:27 AM
'Kodak graves' is great, as is 'Allah...his beard an omen in clouds' (regardless of whether or not they were actually cirrhus). I'd agree about the last stanza though. Stanza three is magnificent.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Apr-06/3:04 AM
This is stunning in its simplicity.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Apr-06/10:53 AM
Miso? I assume that's a brand name. I'm not overly enamoured by the use of brand names in poetry, but other than that I think this works very effectively.
Re: The Day After Next by cyan9	3-Apr-06/11:02 AM
'Pulling out the negatives...' - good passage. First sentence of paragraph 3 I don't like, unpleasant and somewhat cliched. I'd replace the repeated 'teardrop', the first time you use it is fine, after that it starts to wear, and makes the piece seem like you were struggling for words. Last line - "heaven's". Critique aside, I enjoyed this. 'memories that I barely recognised and had no desire to recollect'...I felt that line strike.
Re: Pastoral Care (Psalm 23 revisited) by Dovina	3-Apr-06/11:14 AM
I'd better go and revisit Psalm 23 myself before I comment more on this. I like it a lot though.
Re: Explorations Underground by ecargo	6-Apr-06/8:16 AM
'Lichen tawny' is possibly the finest descriptive pairing I've ever seen.
Re: The Dark Ark by MacFrantic	6-Apr-06/8:25 AM
Is this about the Titanic? Good lines, I either love or hate the bracketed clauses, I'm not sure which yet though. 'Shapeshifting moon' = tres cool, as is 'water in a fury shelled'. It could do with just a little more description, other than that, great!
Re: Old River Sherbourne by Caducus	6-Apr-06/8:35 AM
Great first line, like the play on 'damned'. The whole thing gives me a good impression of the muddy flats. You could possibly play on the aged femininity a little more, wrinkles in the mud and hair etc. Great description though.
Re: Monday Morning by Sunny	6-Apr-06/8:39 AM
Great stuff, but I'd prefer this in more complete phrases - i.e. without the breaking up of sentences. 'The great light bandit' is a super line.
Re: test by Adriaan	6-Apr-06/8:42 AM
Marvellous! Brought a smile to me!
Re: Good old days by amanda_dcosta	6-Apr-06/9:12 AM
As with your last one, this leaves me longing for a little more description. The ideas are there but this is like a sketch when you want to see a watercolour. I agree with Dovina about not changing the last line to first person; I'd also suggest losing the exclamation mark...they don't work as well in poetry as they do in prose. You might want to give us an excerpt from 'Send me the pillow' as well, and use it as the basis for another stanza, maybe? Very pleasant to read as it is, though.
Re: The Battle of Fort Bragg by Dovina	6-Apr-06/9:19 AM
I don't like 'squelched', it doesn't feel poetic enough for this piece. Perhaps 'quenched' would do the trick better? Love the idea behind this and I love the format, I was expecting rhymes at first but it didn't feel any the worse for being unrhymed. Now, this might be evidence that I need to take a dyslexia test, but 'many battles passed/some broken rocks' had this wonderful effect of making me also read 'boken bottles', a perfect illustration (to me, at least) of the rocks. Was that intentional? Great last stanza.
Re: Pastoral Care (Psalm 23 revisited) by Dovina	6-Apr-06/9:31 AM
Ah, some changes to this! It works fantastically well now, one of your best, I think.
Re: parlor games by digipoet	7-Apr-06/12:07 AM
Hmm, failed chat-up line followed up by an icy stare, this is brief and effective. Did you ever read drnick's 'Buried in the Booth'? Pretty much the polar opposite of this. I'd be tempted to put another line after 'her gaze asphyxiates', probably one to keep the rhyme more solid there. Maybe just 'unfazed', or something like that. Otherwise, very cool.
Re: Morning City by Jack Diamond	7-Apr-06/12:11 AM
'lays' (line 18) should be 'lies', I think. I'm very tired right now so I might be wrong. I like this although 3am seemed wrong - either you've stepped back in time or you guys start seriously early. 7am would have worked better, to me at least. Cool last line.
Re: Feelings for a Lost Love by denisebar2006	7-Apr-06/12:18 AM
I hesitate to attempt a critique of this in case the story is genuinely true. I don't want to hurt feelings or seem offensive here. The emotions are conveyed in this and the tale itself is tragic, but as far as the poetic side goes, it needs work. There are a couple of typos to iron out, and some of the rhymes are a bit overused and unoriginal (and stanza 1 in particular feels very forced). I'd like to see more description - tell me who he was, make me visualise him, visualise you as well. The end of stanza 2 and start of stanza 3 are good, this has plenty of promise but needs refining. I do hope this isn't a true story though.
Re: Buried by Enkidu	7-Apr-06/12:21 AM
So close to conjuring up great imagery - I can actually picture the setting, but it's almost entirely down to my imagination and associations of woods and nymphs. This is the sort of piece which requires a bit more on the author's behalf; give us some more scenery. What's there is good, but I'm greedy. I want more.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Apr-06/12:43 PM
Great fun to read, but I'm not yet switched on enough to the message. Night shifts do that to you... Keep 'em coming!