poemranker ::Once by xXxDemonicAngelxXx

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Free verse № 141786

Once

by xXxDemonicAngelxXx

Member since 2006 · Posted 3 Apr 2006 · 1 comment

You once were the savior of the day. You once took all the pain away. Now it’s the other way around, You used to here every sound. You used to take all my tears away, Now what there left to say? It’s now like hell here on earth, To my happiness, You once gave birth.

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mean 4.00 weighted 4.88 rank 10293 views 129 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

1 comment

[7] Ranger 3-Apr-06/2:24 AM Reply
If you're looking for feedback I'd recommend giving some first.
This is okay, not my style really but there are some good lines. 'You once were the savio(u)r of the day' reads nicely. 'here every sound' should be 'hear every sound'.
Too many cliches though, invent rather than take what you've heard before.