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A child's father (Free verse) by rahson_s
I walked miles for acceptance, the hunger motivated me to want, I tried to do better in school, But following that Royal Blue gang around didn't help my cause, I paused, fell back and allowed myself to breathe, underneath all the violence lives a man in desperate need of change, hand picked by Satan to rule these streets, a mission most men find hard to complete, I mean I'm thirty-three and I've been in and out of prison all my days, I've never once questioned my faith, my religious beliefs, my understanding of the good book, until one day she appeared with this little kid, saying things like I'm a father and this is my son, on that day I knew what I was put here to do, everyday since I've been the first and last person that child has seen before he falls asleep and awakes for his new day, I am somebody if anything, I am a child's father

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.928861
Overall Rank: 9262
Posted: April 2, 2006 10:25 PM PDT; Last modified: April 2, 2006 10:25 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Ranger @ 86.131.60.114 | 3-Apr-06/2:20 AM | Reply
Yes, this isn't at all bad. The title's a bit awkward (a child automatically has a father, and to be a father requires having a child). I think you're going for the emotive effect there; in which case 'A Son's Father' would probably work better.
Good content, it feels a little too informal in places (I mean, I'm thirty-three', 'never once') but they aren't hugely important criticisms - just how I read it.
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