regarding some deleted poem...	3-Mar-06/9:21 AM
Lots of pulses--how about a beat here and there instead? ;-) Think you could cut some words here and there too (I almost always think that though)--e.g., "the placement of her" (I knew her fingertips . . . hand, the pulsing of her heart . . .), etc. "Her heart pulsed at her back" is a bit disconcerting; made me think of Alien. "Warm blood cooly"? I think cutting some of the extraneous narrative would make this a lot more powerful.
Re: Pine Boxes (revised) by Joe-joe	3-Mar-06/9:34 AM
As noted, "reign" (and, yeah, lose "supreme") For me, the questions are distracting.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Mar-06/9:37 AM
Food and sex, what's not to like? ;) Why the quotes and why "kandy"? cholcolate s/b chocolate The ending falls a little flat for me, but, erm, sweet. ;)
Re: A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	3-Mar-06/9:46 AM
Atlas, dreaming of a burden lifting--nice. do you need the "silent toast"--maybe just go w/ beacon lit? Could the mist. . . this gets a little garbled: could the mist . . . avail him (a flowing turn of white?)(verb form of avail can be transitive or intrasitive, so doesn't necessarily need an object but, nonetheless, this doesn't parse well. I like the idea and the imagery a lot.
Re: Whalecrack by wlshepherd	3-Mar-06/11:00 AM
Some good soundplay but good nonsense poems make you want to believe they make sense. This just comes off as random garble.
Re: =, <>, & . . . by Dovina	3-Mar-06/11:10 AM
To quibble with your whimsy: A full stop (period) isn't always a real end. As often, something related follows. Ellipses indicate a different type of omission than does etcetera (the latter is "more of the same"; the former just indicates something was taken away). A semicolon is more often used in place of a conjunction than as an interruption; it's a link between two close elements. Dashes don't always indicate answers--sometimes they're interruptions.
Re: Under the Spoon by MacFrantic	3-Mar-06/11:14 AM
Funny. I don't mind random rhyming, but it gets awkward here and there--might kill some of the "just to rhyme" rhymes. Good flow and funny, like "under the spoon" as opposed to knife; yeah, alligator not quite it so you need a more punchy ending, IMO. Cool.
Re: happy, but cautious by hendrimike	6-Mar-06/9:41 AM
Some nice details: "in the summer when the dusk calls you to dinner/and dogs go swimming in lakes swallowing sunsets." First couple of lines are awkward, esp. "shifting breeze that feels good to be near.
Re: goddess of the harvest by calliope	6-Mar-06/9:45 AM
Very odd.
Re: The Final Night by xXxDemonicAngelxXx	6-Mar-06/9:49 AM
Would make a decent lyric.
Re: The King Of Loserville by mindsigns	6-Mar-06/9:53 AM
Figure out a way to kill three quarters of the "I"s and this'll get a lot better.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Mar-06/1:21 PM
Cool. Find a title--it deserves one.
Re: Piano by Dovina	6-Mar-06/1:26 PM
Love the idea of the piano as a devouring monster, but I wish it weren't so explicit--i.e., the title and the reference to Yamaha.
Re: Eagledale Drive by matt door	7-Mar-06/7:43 AM
Nice--I really like the time jumping, the details: the "dirty hands and surety" and the "cluttered heaven of then."
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Mar-06/7:46 AM
Very cool! I agree re: the "quaintly fine"--doesn't seem to fit the rest, but overall really fun, even the punchline ending.
Re: War on Iraq by Dhanesh M Kumar	7-Mar-06/10:27 AM
Not a 10, but not a zero, so for the sake of balance: Needs a stronger focus or pivot; less rant, more center/substance/something to grip, entice us in. The emotion's there, but it's more diatribe than poem right now.
Re: Stella 130 by BenRice	9-Mar-06/2:22 PM
Cute idea, to twist Sonnet 130 so that it's about a dog, but execution's off. You lose iambic pentameter in line 2; "dogs'" in line one shouldn't be possessive, some other things--but those are just nits. Mostly i think it just needs more original language, particularly st. 3 (nails on chalkboards a cliche; so's "epitome of grace," really, and the long tail causing mayhem--things like that). Welcome back, btw.
Re: Navy Pier by matt door	10-Mar-06/7:56 PM
I love it. My only suggestions: "it's" (line 3) should be "its"; and delete the period after laugh and lowercase "blew" (run-in), since it's modified by "breeze". Small stuff.
Re: Windflower by matt door	10-Mar-06/7:58 PM
"Primrose passion" bugs me, but the rest is pretty good.
Re: Crowded by INTRANSIT	12-Mar-06/11:49 AM
Very cool. I like your truckin' poems. I like the end rhymes here too. One suggestion: lose the archaic "naught"--just recast the line to keep "keep" (or find another line with an "eep" word at end). The "naught" really doesn't fit the rest of the poem, and the sense is a little squidgy anyway.