Re: Buried in the Booth (edit) by drnick	23-Feb-06/12:15 AM
I would agree you need to tidy it up, or cut out the line breaks and call it a prose poem, as a small tightly written story it could be great. But consider. "It had felt like god had reached down to manually pump the blood through his body." This is an excellent image, one of the strongest in the poem, but it would be better if you dropped the 'had' and left it in the present tense, also god should be God, if you mean the middle eastern deity who is the one and only of his kind, however if you are referring to simply one member of a pantheon then it should 'a god' or 'some god' I will refrain from commenting on any other stanzas
Re: The Mirror by TLRufener	23-Feb-06/12:24 AM
Without being unkind, and in the realisation that your personnal suffering is quite real, can I suggest that as poetry this is pretty boring, I have read pretty much the same thing thousands of times. The feelings are not uncommon, and while that doesn't make them less painful for you it should make you realise that if you wish to put them into a poem that others are going to read, and if the poem is going to be a success then you have to offer something that the 100,000 or so people who have already written this same poem, in different but uninspiring ways had to offer. There is more to good poetry than putting your feelings on paper with a set of line-breaks. Some other conventional punctuation would help also.
Re: On Looking Back by Dovina	23-Feb-06/12:27 AM
It would work better, in my not-so-humble opinion if you had the metre right, as in--------- I once had a friend all in black, Who felt a sharp twinge in his back. With his blood on my knife, He fled for his life, So we never quite got in the sack.
Re: Matters of the Heart by Fayt	23-Feb-06/12:34 AM
As already mentioned there is very little in this for the reader, after the first gust of, oh not again it just gets boring.
Re: Iron Sky by MacFrantic	23-Feb-06/12:36 AM
There are several commas missing in my view, but otherwise not bad.
Re: A smile by Bobjim	24-Feb-06/11:09 PM
This might be a riddle, but can you explain to me what there is about it that makes it poetry.
Re: a waste of time by hendrimike	25-Feb-06/3:32 AM
More of what's already been written, plus my personnal beef against the laziness. If you want an education I would start with punctuation, its very usefuly and makes a reader less likely to feel insulted.
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Feb-06/3:36 AM
As I have said in reply to other poems, you need to remember that you are not the first, or even the one thousand and first person to write about craving and addiction, so while people easily empathise with what you are saying, the way you say needs to be special, and to be honest this is not very special language, but I have seen worse.
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Feb-06/3:39 AM
Two 'things' in two lines is not beautiful language, ask yourself what meaning the word 'thing' actually adds to the poem.
Re: Rambling by terbenaw	25-Feb-06/3:44 AM
There are many sentences/lines here that could easikly be better for example why I feel not bold right now; and not I don't feel bold right now; which is grammatically more correct and flows better. Still it was not a bad read.
Re: last night was like the last one by hendrimike	25-Feb-06/3:47 AM
The first stanza made so little sense it put me off reading the rest of the poem, also, why the lack of punctuation, it just seems plain lazy to me.
Re: Relativity by Bobjim	26-Feb-06/12:02 AM
OK
Re: Today's Spam by nentwined	26-Feb-06/12:38 AM
A good list but you missed a few, like the various "Any Meds You Need" "Get a Credit Card Whatever" "Consolidate Your Debts" "Re cvmthwifdj" and these last might be because my mail account is through my own domain name "Your Account is Suspended For Security Reasons" "Account Near to Being Closed"
Re: My Shattered Love by Silverjackel	26-Feb-06/12:40 AM
Its so nice to see love transcending the darkness and shining in the wilderness of our lives.
Re: Moonlit Glare by Silverjackel	26-Feb-06/12:45 AM
Nice
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Feb-06/12:47 AM
Not so Nice
Re: Desperate Revival by Silverjackel	26-Feb-06/12:58 AM
The focus here is rather in and out of clarity and the poem does not paint a clear picture. For example, the verb mope, is not commensurate with pure despair, it is far to light to follow it. You mope when you are slightly bored or upset. There are also the inversions in the walk/talk lines.
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Feb-06/11:11 PM
Apart from the almost total lack of punctuation, there is an 'I' missing from line 7 and I suspect in line 11 it should read 'of' not 'or'.
Re: Filler by MacFrantic	26-Feb-06/11:13 PM
Agreeeeeed
Re: An Interview With King David by amanda_dcosta	26-Feb-06/11:22 PM
Line 2 the word 'so' before intrigued would make the following line grammatically correct. I take a good look at his attire. Dressed like another other guy, Blue jeans, T-shirt, track shoes. This should not be indented and it should say 'like any other guy' I’m a new person inspired by There needs to be a comma between person and inspired. This is nicely done, I am sure you could get published in a religiously oriented magazine if you tried. However to my mind it is not a poem.