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last night was like the last one (Lyric) by hendrimike
the shades would close in my room when daylight shuddered in and lifeless gloom would exhume when sunlight crumbled in no more nights not tonight you've kept me here so long that it's got to end with my pen i've got to move along i had to get out of there and head somewhere and stop thinking about her i had to leave a place that had masked my face to stretch life to a blur now it's calmer here i have to say that life is normal now in a way and i've got to try i've got to see if living life will punish me or will i exceed my mark and reach the sky i have got to just give one try no more nights not tonight i've been trapped so long gotta get up and fight and this has to end as i take my pen and i move along to try and comprehend

Up the ladder: a waste of time
Down the ladder: Writers Block

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 1.5
Weighted score: 4.8340096
Overall Rank: 10761
Posted: February 24, 2006 10:19 AM PST; Last modified: February 24, 2006 10:19 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 24-Feb-06/10:25 AM | Reply
I quite liked the rhyming scheme although it would benefit from a little more invention - 'in/in', 'long/along' etc. don't really seem to be pushing your creative boundaries at all.
[3] Blue Magpie @ 212.205.251.50 | 25-Feb-06/3:47 AM | Reply
The first stanza made so little sense it put me off reading the rest of the poem, also, why the lack of punctuation, it just seems plain lazy to me.
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