| Re: Gone Away by ez2replace |
15-Jan-04/12:47 PM |
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Life can only get better in the future, but lives in misery. Hmmm. I'll get back to you.
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| Re: Cross Pollination by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
15-Jan-04/12:40 PM |
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And WHOOOMP!!!! There it is. the baby, off course.
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| Re: Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jan-04/9:46 AM |
Definitely better. I'd still mix it a bit more. Compare: Middleman to Lunge-fish.
Middleman was first.
Sorry to leave you hangin'. I'm trying a financial hail-mary move right now. It's fly or die time.
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| Re: a comment on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jan-04/6:45 AM |
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I gots no problem with humor, it just seems out of place for this piece. But then GW just pulled it off. I dunno.
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| Re: Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jan-04/6:39 AM |
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Skull soup is fine title-wise.
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| Re: Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jan-04/6:37 AM |
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Not quite. intermix the theory with the cooking. Make it SLOPPY! It's too neat. We can see what's in the soup. Make us taste it. I know. It's painful to break it up and start over sort of. I can show you one of mine where My metaphor was so good I had to extend it and the poem morphed into something better. if you want.
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| Re: O Endless Angst, Thou Stingeth Me by Goad |
15-Jan-04/6:32 AM |
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Your cloaking device is failing.
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| Re: a comment on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jan-04/6:27 AM |
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shit. lose the "shit" It's definitely worth giving the time to.
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| Re: a comment on 52 card pickup (only a test) by crwncka1 |
15-Jan-04/6:22 AM |
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I read in a book somewhere-"you have to be willing to write badly". It gave no mention of sexual preference. I have not read this. I did count the lines though. Good exercise for you.
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| Re: a comment on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jan-04/6:14 AM |
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Lose the expletive/replace it. Use the cooking metaphor more. Mutter more. Lighten up the Theory. A dusting will do fine here.
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| Re: a comment on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jan-04/6:11 AM |
Keep it. Lose the expletive. That's D.A.s' territory. Dirty up this kitchen. Put it in the microwave until it's ready to explode, then open the door!!! Scoop it into a bowl and add a dusting of theory: the absurd and foolish paragon. Mutter more.
like you're talking to yourself while cooking.
OH NO! I've gone cross eyed!!!
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| Re: Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jan-04/5:58 AM |
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I like the title. why is the say nothing in quotes? Has it been said before? damn. that's a really good direction to take this poem. sprinkling it with the poetic theory. love the closure.
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| Re: The woods house by zodiac |
15-Jan-04/5:51 AM |
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smokin' good. I don't think you need breaks at all. Look up poetandknowit and compare. Unless you are he.
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| Re: a comment on War zone by INTRANSIT |
15-Jan-04/5:44 AM |
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Actually, I have no children. Or siblings. I do have 6 nieces. And I love them to pieces. I'm assuming there are no errors here? I was thinking about taking this out to book form. I'm worried that it's -been done before?
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| Re: Spunkorpumpernipple by Shardik |
12-Jan-04/6:10 PM |
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| Re: Kenny G by Everyone |
12-Jan-04/6:00 PM |
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and all this time I thought you were only a perverted school marm.10 for the boating thing.
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| Re: American Eden v.2 [revised] by SupremeDreamer |
12-Jan-04/5:57 PM |
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Definitely a wee bit-o-passion in this one.
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| Re: Panda meat by horus8 |
12-Jan-04/5:53 PM |
see? SEE? I'M HARMLESS COMPARED TO THAT GUY!!!! I ONLY HAUL CARS!!! ONLY 10 AT A TIME TOO!! THEY'RE NOT NEAR AS BAD AS THAT SCENARIO IS! YEAH!!
harmless, I say.
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| Re: Lynched by Bachus |
12-Jan-04/5:48 PM |
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They say they-"aint skeered". they should be.
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| Re: a comment on New commandments by little_big_nose |
12-Jan-04/3:54 AM |
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