replying on Flicking by INTRANSIT
21 Jun 2005, 12:53 PM
Well, the good thing is in this poem -chicanes- sonds almost like wind but I think it may be my own ignorance that has done me in this time. I thought they were a series of curves tight and many. I might be wron in which case, I have failed miserably. Sokay. i got a better one brewing. Oh well.
on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree
20 Jun 2005, 4:30 PM
5and 11 are the pimpleyest. If you can fix those it's kosher with me.
replying on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree
20 Jun 2005, 4:28 PM
But it can also lead to some really awesome and interesting rhymes if given enough rein.
on the ten two eight tide by Mr Pig
18 Jun 2005, 10:24 AM
Howarya pig? This has such a great underlying rhythm that I think it should be turned up just a notch. Give it a form I think it'll be fine.
To be overly technical:
Three chambered kabooms? Harleys have two cylinders unless the sound is the 3 syllabled Po-ta-to sound . Yes, the approach is confusing. Maybe you don't need one. I'm just haranguessing you. I should talk, I ride a 95 Nighthawk which makes no such audible safety noises.
Three chambered kabooms? Harleys have two cylinders unless the sound is the 3 syllabled Po-ta-to sound . Yes, the approach is confusing. Maybe you don't need one. I'm just haranguessing you. I should talk, I ride a 95 Nighthawk which makes no such audible safety noises.
on The world's shortest poem by ALChemy
4 Jun 2005, 8:34 AM
By Grapthars' Hammer.....I don't know.
on Vote Goats by ALChemy
4 Jun 2005, 8:32 AM
Unforunately, we've already been here. Save your breath for your writing.
on Carte Blanche by ALChemy
4 Jun 2005, 8:31 AM
Love this. My -Bookends- may interest you.
on A Fool's Errand by ALChemy
4 Jun 2005, 8:29 AM
bleed their wrists seems cliche. the rest is true.
on lawngazing by skaskowski
4 Jun 2005, 6:42 AM
I saw the broken bottles and mirror as stars. So I went down the romance path and then the skull stopped my treading.
on Adibe's Song (third-time's-the-charm revision, less Spanish) by zodiac
4 Jun 2005, 6:39 AM
last line typo.
replying on Adibe's Song (third-time's-the-charm revision, less Spanish) by zodiac
4 Jun 2005, 6:39 AM
Actually it is. I trust those with writing experience to know what needs to be done to bring a poem in line, then let the 'ranker knock the burrs off. No, not shamefully unless this is all ten times condensed. Go for it. Wring out the other nine chapters. Size doesn't matter to me in poetry.
replying on Soldier by kev_wannabe
3 Jun 2005, 11:23 AM
Wha? It's not my poem. Yes America has a sullied past of treating its veterans poorly though I think we've corrected that. What we need to stop doing is sending them away in the first place.
To reply to the individual items.
#1 You didn'g say "he turns them outward" It sounds like his thumbs are outward.
#2 Breasts as in chests, Your being? Or re-referring to the domes' shape?
#3Irish roman? Or am I unnecessarily crossing wires here?
#4 and 5. Ok.
Maybe I'm REALLY thick. still better off for the dialogue though, thanks.
#1 You didn'g say "he turns them outward" It sounds like his thumbs are outward.
#2 Breasts as in chests, Your being? Or re-referring to the domes' shape?
#3Irish roman? Or am I unnecessarily crossing wires here?
#4 and 5. Ok.
Maybe I'm REALLY thick. still better off for the dialogue though, thanks.