on A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper
20 Nov 2007, 8:02 AM
Cyclamatic ? Wow. There's a word. Say, is it just me, or do I rely way too much on images to do my speaking for me?
This is really good Skamper. Not sure about that -maybe-.
This is really good Skamper. Not sure about that -maybe-.
on A Vernal Tale by MacFrantic
18 Nov 2007, 7:11 AM
Suggestions.
Lines 4,8,10 no comma
L-11 split? or spilt?
L-16 no comma / changet to -though
L-18 IN soil
Last stanza go 4 lines
Penultimate- one comma after year
Last line-- the? instead of her?
Lines 4,8,10 no comma
L-11 split? or spilt?
L-16 no comma / changet to -though
L-18 IN soil
Last stanza go 4 lines
Penultimate- one comma after year
Last line-- the? instead of her?
my original reference was to the introduction written by Collins in the 2006 edition of "The best American poetry" He's somewhat scathing while he talks about how many small publishers there are and how much "bad" poetry could get out. I kind of agree, but only as far as my own personality will allow. He kind of goes back on himself in the end of the intro, though. Ha! so much going on, we poets don't know which way to turn sometimes.
on The Taking by Skamper
16 Nov 2007, 7:34 AM
For some reason, I'd like lines one and two inverted.
Leave the big gap but lose the -then-
Love it!
Leave the big gap but lose the -then-
Love it!
replying on It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT
16 Nov 2007, 7:29 AM
Well Skamper, after doing this for some 11 years now, appealing is not a word (I) would use. Trucking for me was more of a "seemed like a good idea at the time" thing. Sorry to dissapoint. When I first started it was a neat new challenge. Now it's more like wrote. Emphasis on "like". It does have its moments and I'll bump up an older poem that I've been wanting to revisit.
on Collective Soul by sliver
12 Nov 2007, 7:27 PM
Poets.org. Watch the video. Look up the book. Get back to me. Good to see you again. Join us or you will be assimilated.
what the hell?
what the hell?
on It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT
12 Nov 2007, 7:01 PM
Meh. Just edited for better sound.
on INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT
12 Nov 2007, 5:14 PM
I can't see your comment, Mage. The counter is off.
replying on Some poems by INTRANSIT
11 Nov 2007, 6:18 PM
Thank you. Credit Skamper for the final adjustments.
on INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT
11 Nov 2007, 8:11 AM
And line 8 needs more help. Bleh.
on INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT
11 Nov 2007, 8:06 AM
So I dropped the Ibex and some of the punctuation, cut some excess words so I hope it reads better, at least.
But what I need to persue is that opening line.
But what I need to persue is that opening line.
replying on Turning British by INTRANSIT
10 Nov 2007, 6:19 PM
Do whut now ?
on Fading Love by hobojo
9 Nov 2007, 6:43 AM
Change line 3/4 to a statement, drop the -how can-
Line 5. change items for unusual things
Cut line 7
Line 10 try -anger before pain-
Cut the buts, and instead of guilt lasting forever
make it hang around like a sad dog (cliche) or something else. Punch it up there.
HTH.
Line 5. change items for unusual things
Cut line 7
Line 10 try -anger before pain-
Cut the buts, and instead of guilt lasting forever
make it hang around like a sad dog (cliche) or something else. Punch it up there.
HTH.
on Stroke It! by Skamper
7 Nov 2007, 6:53 AM
The word -could- gives the bards the option of doing so. "We could sing this. Nah, lets play Jarts."
There may be an even better/more active/forceful word than -will or -want to. (not the first line)
Give me more details about s-1-3. (Everything) is too broad a specrum, I think. Try to narrow it.
Like I said to dovina, It'sa jumping off point.
There may be an even better/more active/forceful word than -will or -want to. (not the first line)
Give me more details about s-1-3. (Everything) is too broad a specrum, I think. Try to narrow it.
Like I said to dovina, It'sa jumping off point.
replying on Why I took my ears off by INTRANSIT
6 Nov 2007, 8:25 PM
arrrrgh. i need a comma between idle and spewing and one between peace and we. doh!
Re: then, that's why I suggested leaving the gap, but, the ... is unnecessary.