| Re: a comment on The Taking by Skamper |
20-Nov-07/10:28 AM |
Hmm. I guess that's me wanting a little more "fight".
Re: then, that's why I suggested leaving the gap, but, the ... is unnecessary.
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| Re: A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper |
20-Nov-07/8:02 AM |
Cyclamatic ? Wow. There's a word. Say, is it just me, or do I rely way too much on images to do my speaking for me?
This is really good Skamper. Not sure about that -maybe-.
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| Re: Liar by Roisin |
18-Nov-07/7:17 AM |
I would make the first stanza four lines and give -bitch- its own.
I think you can lose -glinting and move suffocated by sin up. I'd also like ahint as to who is catching the hot lead.
hope that helps.
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| Re: A Vernal Tale by MacFrantic |
18-Nov-07/7:11 AM |
Suggestions.
Lines 4,8,10 no comma
L-11 split? or spilt?
L-16 no comma / changet to -though
L-18 IN soil
Last stanza go 4 lines
Penultimate- one comma after year
Last line-- the? instead of her?
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| Re: Tingling by INTRANSIT |
16-Nov-07/8:21 AM |
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Dropped the -crimson. Reformed into stanzas. I'm wondering if -melon- is too vague.
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| Re: a comment on AKA Poets by Skamper |
16-Nov-07/7:59 AM |
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my original reference was to the introduction written by Collins in the 2006 edition of "The best American poetry" He's somewhat scathing while he talks about how many small publishers there are and how much "bad" poetry could get out. I kind of agree, but only as far as my own personality will allow. He kind of goes back on himself in the end of the intro, though. Ha! so much going on, we poets don't know which way to turn sometimes.
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| Re: a comment on AKA Poets by Skamper |
16-Nov-07/7:52 AM |
excerpt from "The trouble with poetry" By Mr. Collins
the trouble with poetry is
that it encourages the writing of more poetry,
more guppies crowding the fish tank,
more baby rabbits
hopping out of their mothers into the dewey grass.
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| Re: The Taking by Skamper |
16-Nov-07/7:34 AM |
For some reason, I'd like lines one and two inverted.
Leave the big gap but lose the -then-
Love it!
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| Re: a comment on It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT |
16-Nov-07/7:29 AM |
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Well Skamper, after doing this for some 11 years now, appealing is not a word (I) would use. Trucking for me was more of a "seemed like a good idea at the time" thing. Sorry to dissapoint. When I first started it was a neat new challenge. Now it's more like wrote. Emphasis on "like". It does have its moments and I'll bump up an older poem that I've been wanting to revisit.
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| Re: AKA Poets by Skamper |
14-Nov-07/6:00 AM |
Yes. Who AM I to call mysef a poet. I'm sure I shouldn't be writing. According to Billy Collins at least.
Temerity-perfect.
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| Re: Collective Soul by sliver |
12-Nov-07/7:27 PM |
Poets.org. Watch the video. Look up the book. Get back to me. Good to see you again. Join us or you will be assimilated.
what the hell?
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| Re: It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT |
12-Nov-07/7:01 PM |
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Meh. Just edited for better sound.
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| Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT |
12-Nov-07/5:14 PM |
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I can't see your comment, Mage. The counter is off.
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| Re: a comment on Some poems by INTRANSIT |
11-Nov-07/6:18 PM |
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Thank you. Credit Skamper for the final adjustments.
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| Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT |
11-Nov-07/8:11 AM |
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And line 8 needs more help. Bleh.
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| Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT |
11-Nov-07/8:06 AM |
So I dropped the Ibex and some of the punctuation, cut some excess words so I hope it reads better, at least.
But what I need to persue is that opening line.
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| Re: a comment on Turning British by INTRANSIT |
10-Nov-07/6:19 PM |
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| Re: Fading Love by hobojo |
9-Nov-07/6:43 AM |
Change line 3/4 to a statement, drop the -how can-
Line 5. change items for unusual things
Cut line 7
Line 10 try -anger before pain-
Cut the buts, and instead of guilt lasting forever
make it hang around like a sad dog (cliche) or something else. Punch it up there.
HTH.
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| Re: Stroke It! by Skamper |
7-Nov-07/6:53 AM |
The word -could- gives the bards the option of doing so. "We could sing this. Nah, lets play Jarts."
There may be an even better/more active/forceful word than -will or -want to. (not the first line)
Give me more details about s-1-3. (Everything) is too broad a specrum, I think. Try to narrow it.
Like I said to dovina, It'sa jumping off point.
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| Re: a comment on Why I took my ears off by INTRANSIT |
6-Nov-07/8:25 PM |
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arrrrgh. i need a comma between idle and spewing and one between peace and we. doh!
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