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A Vernal Tale (Free verse) by MacFrantic
From May's young womb life blossoms wild. Summer shines, a pedophile. Ravages the newborn Spring Comes sated by her suffering. Autumn falls as boughs pervert And decorate the dying Earth. Whispers swell to great mad gales. Summer cedes, diseased and pale. In wide dark bands blue eyes tear split, Entranced in awe of Winter's wit. Valleys flush with lakes of snow. Souls dwindle in the afterglow. May's fresh flower scours the waste. Death knows her, but she knows haste. Before the life within her spoils She will root in fruitful soil. Despite the vile, malicious wrongs, Summer shines not dim, but strong. Though each year, June brings May pain, He gives her life to Spring again.

Up the ladder: Before I Go Insane
Down the ladder: Bottled Wisdom

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 9.5
Weighted score: 5.2134166
Overall Rank: 4422
Posted: November 11, 2007 3:58 PM PST; Last modified: November 18, 2007 3:20 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] INTRANSIT @ 69.23.157.197 | 18-Nov-07/7:11 AM | Reply
Suggestions.
Lines 4,8,10 no comma

L-11 split? or spilt?

L-16 no comma / changet to -though

L-18 IN soil

Last stanza go 4 lines

Penultimate- one comma after year

Last line-- the? instead of her?
[n/a] MacFrantic @ 76.25.21.176 > INTRANSIT | 18-Nov-07/3:13 PM | Reply
Thanks, that was very helpful.
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