poemranker ::A Vernal Tale by MacFrantic

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Free verse № 154424

A Vernal Tale

Member since 2003 · Posted 11 Nov 2007 · Edited 18 Nov 2007 · 2 comments

From May's young womb life blossoms wild. Summer shines, a pedophile. Ravages the newborn Spring Comes sated by her suffering. Autumn falls as boughs pervert And decorate the dying Earth. Whispers swell to great mad gales. Summer cedes, diseased and pale. In wide dark bands blue eyes tear split, Entranced in awe of Winter's wit. Valleys flush with lakes of snow. Souls dwindle in the afterglow. May's fresh flower scours the waste. Death knows her, but she knows haste. Before the life within her spoils She will root in fruitful soil. Despite the vile, malicious wrongs, Summer shines not dim, but strong. Though each year, June brings May pain, He gives her life to Spring again.

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2 comments

[9] INTRANSIT 18-Nov-07/7:11 AM Reply
Suggestions.
Lines 4,8,10 no comma

L-11 split? or spilt?

L-16 no comma / changet to -though

L-18 IN soil

Last stanza go 4 lines

Penultimate- one comma after year

Last line-- the? instead of her?
[n/a] MacFrantic › INTRANSIT 18-Nov-07/3:13 PM Reply
Thanks, that was very helpful.