The Taking

by Skamper

Member since 2007 · Posted 16 Nov 2007 · Edited 21 Nov 2007 · 6 comments

I Said No i said no then I Quivered

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2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

6 comments

[10] INTRANSIT 16-Nov-07/7:34 AM Reply

For some reason, I'd like lines one and two inverted.

Leave the big gap but lose the -then-

Love it!

[n/a] Skamper › INTRANSIT 19-Nov-07/6:56 PM Reply

I hear what your saying - but inverting lines 1 and 2 would put a different emphasis on the progress of seduction. I think maybe a longer pause between line 2 and then, followed by the long pause again...

don't you think -then- speaks of what lays between the quieter 'no' to the ultimate compliance? I feel leaving -then- out hurries it along

[10] INTRANSIT › Skamper 20-Nov-07/10:28 AM Reply

Hmm. I guess that's me wanting a little more "fight".

Re: then, that's why I suggested leaving the gap, but, the ... is unnecessary.

[n/a] Skamper › INTRANSIT 21-Nov-07/1:06 AM Reply

the 'fight' was only token resistence. I dropped the ... you were right they don't do anything

many thanks :)

[9] deleted user 17-Nov-07/6:28 AM Reply

so much said with so little words.

[n/a] Skamper › deleted user 19-Nov-07/6:57 PM Reply

thanks :) sometimes less is better