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Fading Love (Free verse) by hobojo How can so few years pass
The orchid blooms fade
What I loved became
What I so much despise
So many places, so many toys
Distractions buying time
Avoidance may prolong
But the top must sway
Falling into now
Anger before pain
And new love eases grief
But guilt will last forever
This I've learned by now
Up the ladder:
Heart Cancer
Down the ladder:
Whispers to Isabelle
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.3333335
Posted: November 9, 2007 2:48 AM PST; Last modified: November 18, 2007 2:04 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.1589375 Overall Rank: 5172 Comments:
line 4 first stanza - all that I despise - that which I despise...something like that to rid the repitition of 'what I'
just an observation...like this a lot though, the inevitibility of it. :) 214 view(s)
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Line 5. change items for unusual things
Cut line 7
Line 10 try -anger before pain-
Cut the buts, and instead of guilt lasting forever
make it hang around like a sad dog (cliche) or something else. Punch it up there.
HTH.