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Fading Love

Member since 2002 · Posted 9 Nov 2007 · Edited 18 Nov 2007 · 3 comments

How can so few years pass The orchid blooms fade What I loved became What I so much despise So many places, so many toys Distractions buying time Avoidance may prolong But the top must sway Falling into now Anger before pain And new love eases grief But guilt will last forever This I've learned by now

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3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

3 comments

[8] INTRANSIT 9-Nov-07/6:43 AM Reply

Change line 3/4 to a statement, drop the -how can-

Line 5. change items for unusual things
Cut line 7
Line 10 try -anger before pain-

Cut the buts, and instead of guilt lasting forever
make it hang around like a sad dog (cliche) or something else. Punch it up there.

HTH.

[n/a] hobojo › INTRANSIT 18-Nov-07/2:01 AM Reply

Thanks

[8] Skamper 19-Nov-07/7:41 PM Reply

line 4 first stanza - all that I despise - that which I despise...something like that to rid the repitition of 'what I'

just an observation...like this a lot though, the inevitibility of it. :)