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INTELLIGENCIA (Free verse) by INTRANSIT Intelligence is the new ethnic cleansing
the downer of four week old horses
It is the Sumo, and the Mafioso
and the clear cutter of forests.
It is the bully making her rounds
a critic at the opening and an
unrestrained fire burning through cities
to be it's own it's only desire.
It is the microscope micrometer
barometric pressure indicator pyrometer
sandblast against the fender
and the D.N.A. bender.
It's the largest of silverback apes
it's canines lodged in the back of the
brain and a nuclear frost bearing down
on the vineyard grapes.
Up the ladder:
Twin Forks
Down the ladder:
End
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Posted: October 23, 2007 1:06 PM PDT; Last modified: November 11, 2007 8:11 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.806824 Overall Rank: 1682 Comments:
[10]
x0lovelylarnx0 @ 71.197.10.136
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23-Oct-07/1:30 PM
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Reply
To Rockmage: You have serious problems! It's not right to just go around and give everyone low scores!
[n/a]
INTRANSIT @ 204.110.228.254
> x0lovelylarnx0
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23-Oct-07/1:34 PM
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Reply
Save your energy, Leroy. Put it into your own work. It's just plain healthier that way.
[10]
x0lovelylarnx0 @ 68.57.36.157
> INTRANSIT
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23-Oct-07/6:57 PM
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Reply
Haha I just don't think it is fair that a good poem gets a 0 or a 1 just because some jerk feels like it!
Strong imagery and intensity. I would ditch the punctuation allowing the natural flow to place the periods and commas. It is a distractor to me. Enjoyable read.
I totally agree.
- with the poem, I mean.
No time for a proper commente just yet but I will say this has fired me up to write something today. Cheers!
If I had enough sense I'd be terrified by this
So I dropped the Ibex and some of the punctuation, cut some excess words so I hope it reads better, at least.
But what I need to persue is that opening line.
And line 8 needs more help. Bleh.
I can't see your comment, Mage. The counter is off.
As we think ourselves into a mellenial grave eh?
there's always a line that needs something - I see what you mean about line 8, it's a little clumsy. Yet, the line works so well with a pause after own.
The last 6 lines are the best I've seen on poemeranker in months. The grammar Gestapo are going to be calling round about a couple of those apostrophes though.
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