| Re: What bianca saw!!! by titan69 |
19-Nov-07/7:48 PM |
argh! get the sylable count right - if you are going to write in limerick, find the rhythm...
snaps for the ranker/wanker rhyme
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| Re: What the fuck is a HAIKU anyway? by titan69 |
19-Nov-07/7:51 PM |
drop the yoda instructions - add 'a' between writes and load...
you definately have a way with....titles...
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| Re: Bottle collection by INTRANSIT |
22-Nov-07/1:05 PM |
I've just finished a book where the husband was a bottle collector - he had loads of them, proudly displayed and affectionately restored...at the end of the book the wife smashed every one of them. Not that this has anything to do with your poem, apart from coincidence to me...
This poem is perfect in it's quiet way, love it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
22-Nov-07/1:14 PM |
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| Re: Again with the venting by hobojo |
26-Nov-07/5:28 PM |
I do love a good vent/rant...whether at a person or an ideal stage we strive to achieve...
and I do like this
there are a few places I would tighten up a little, give more oomph to the structure.
for instance...
I used to think life would make sense -
one day
all my efforts would pay off
and all my terror - end
and I'd coast for a little while
I thought, if I
kept fighting
kept holding on
I would make it
that I
would leave it all behind
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| Re: Heroes to the End by sliver |
26-Nov-07/5:40 PM |
line 4 - vowed to see its' end, and took vows to see its' end, and vowed to see it's end..'it' and 'it's' is a little too much
line 5 - drop the red, blood holds the colour you need
Very poignant :)
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| Re: The Dung Beetles by Pappa |
26-Nov-07/5:45 PM |
this is too complicated for me - the structure I can't even begin to appreciate, but the lesson in nature could do with something...not sure what that could be but the last line seems text bookish, rather than poetic...
can you show me where i might find other Englyn?
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| Re: Stringed by thetrev |
26-Nov-07/5:49 PM |
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OH! this is weird, I like what each line and verse is saying but find the overall connection escaping me.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Nov-07/5:56 PM |
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Agree with INTRANSIT...the first half needs trimming and shorter lines, defining breaks with lines rather than commas. I don't enjoy too many directions when I read, so it could just be me. :)
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| Re: Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT |
26-Nov-07/6:10 PM |
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Nicely portrayed - the one-way relationship, never to be relayed any other way.
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| Re: Easter Egg Hunt by Dovina |
29-Nov-07/3:32 AM |
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I wish I could understand this, but the language is out of my reach. :(
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| Re: who wansa do that? by malpaso |
28-Dec-07/11:44 PM |
As much as I enjoy the short poem, due to lack of true inteligence...I can't seem to get a handle on this one. There's no oomph or moment of clarity, or nod, or small smile, or any of the things that brings instant understanding of what your saying, that should come with shorter writes.
"You wanna go do somethin'?"
sighs
"Nah"
- boredom, apathy...a statement, but is it poetry? hmmm?
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| Re: in this bus terminal of the future by nentwined |
6-Jul-08/4:44 AM |
I like that..change without true progress...
the word inevitable jars a little with me, not sure why
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| Re: A rock by nisim2 |
6-Jul-08/4:47 AM |
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quite riddling - I want to find the trick inside the writing and answer it.
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| Re: sperladnik: the sequel by malpaso |
6-Jul-08/4:50 AM |
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made me giggle a little awkwardly, not quite getting the hang of it ;)
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| Re: tree in a flood by Skamper |
18-Feb-11/2:51 PM |
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too quick and too flabby, hmmm something to ponder over. Thanks guys
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| Re: Late Song by nypoet22 |
18-Feb-11/2:57 PM |
Whenever I pine for you to be mine
I remember what my father used to say
You can have anything you want but you cant have
everything you want at the same time
If this is what you want
you can't have me
there's probably one too many wants...if this is what you need
you can't have me
and pine, really?
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| Re: Mornings by alvinb |
18-Feb-11/3:09 PM |
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oh dear...what do you think is for you proper? Sounds like you think you deserve something better, we have only what we create and if your creation is words, make them come alive.
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| Re: Self-Inflicted Wounds by wilco |
18-Feb-11/3:13 PM |
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at least your just rusty, I, on the other hand am flabby...takes a bit of getting back into it huh?
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| Re: Max's Poems by nentwined |
9-Jun-12/4:46 AM |
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