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Again with the venting (Free verse) by hobojo
I used to think life was going to make sense one day And all my efforts would pay off And all the terror that happened to me Would end, and I would coast for a little while I thought that if I kept fighting, kept holding on That I would make it, that I would leave it all behind I keep meeting wonderful people People who beat the odds I keep meeting people who screw up And they keep getting that break I don’t know what I am holding on for Bordering on insanity Clinging to the edge I don’t know what I am trying to achieve By holding on to this I thirst Talentlessly For the stars Beyond my grasp And the tears flow endlessly For I will never reach A one And again I ask myself Why do I hold on For I know why we are here But not why we choose to stay If only some are capable Of achievements so great Why do some keep searching Rather than turn out the light It’s hard to be thankful For the little that we have When so many others have much less The other side of that spectrum The other side of my gloom The end I see That would satisfy Is a just and even field Where all who dream Can achieve And all who choose Can set sail

Up the ladder: Rebirth
Down the ladder: Behind Closed Doors

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.5
Weighted score: 5.1185646
Overall Rank: 5956
Posted: November 26, 2007 1:02 AM PST; Last modified: November 26, 2007 1:02 AM PST
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Comments:
[8] Skamper @ 58.171.170.196 | 26-Nov-07/5:28 PM | Reply
I do love a good vent/rant...whether at a person or an ideal stage we strive to achieve...

and I do like this

there are a few places I would tighten up a little, give more oomph to the structure.

for instance...

I used to think life would make sense -
one day
all my efforts would pay off
and all my terror - end
and I'd coast for a little while
I thought, if I
kept fighting
kept holding on
I would make it
that I
would leave it all behind
[7] Dovina @ 75.82.99.11 | 27-Nov-07/8:54 PM | Reply
The last verse is quite good I think. It's the summation of most complaints. But we all know that "just and even" never happens.
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