Re: a comment on Ation by bwaha	23-Apr-07/8:15 PM
Thanks for the spelling correction....eep! And mechanics is usually something I'm good at ..... I wasn't sure if it was too ....I dunno, over done or simplistic or what not as a regular free verse which is why I stuck it under lyric, but it was not originally written as such, so I actually like the fact that you called me out on this. Thanks for the comments, when I go back for an edit, I'll keep 'em in mind...
Re: The Death of Us by andrewjthomas	23-Apr-07/5:15 PM
Your 4th and 5th verses are by far the strongest, specifically your 4th. They are, I feel, what make this poem worth it and what made it stand out enough to be worth commenting on. The rest strikes me as far too generic. Try to keep things at the level of imagery and specificity you had when describing those wailing Italian mothers, and you might be on to something here.
Re: Easter (edited) by thetrev	23-Apr-07/5:09 PM
This is a type of poem, which, when done well, is extremely good, when done poorly, is absolutely awful. While I would not say this is excellent, I think you did a very good job here. I think you strike the right balance between what is said and what is left unsaid, the only thing I question, like SupremeDreamer, is your used of the word "morassed", it seems, at best, a little awkward. Each half of this (the part about your sister, and the part addressed to "you") stands well and is strong on it's own, but I think where you join the two together it is a little weak. Perhaps strengthen the connection between these two stories? Overall, I really like this, though.
Re: Unsung American Dream by SupremeDreamer	23-Apr-07/5:04 PM
This is absolutely fantastic. It reminds me of slam poetry, it has that all-in-one-breath endless flow to it, but it is more perfect. The entire poem held my rapt attention, which is not typically true of things of this length. The only thing I have to question is the choice to not capitalize your other major words in your title, the only word in there that typically would be lower-case is "of". That is just a technical detail, though. Overall, I love this.
Re: Ein Kampf by Sasha	23-Apr-07/4:51 PM
I am not sure what this would do to the rhythm but one suggestion I would give to you is to cut the superfluous words. You use the word and and so a lot but you do not always need them, and your poem seems more forceful, clean, and direct without them.
Re: The Corner Tavern by jessicazee	23-Apr-07/8:11 AM
I like the way you evoke your mood in this, though I have to question your use of the word stringy, and more especially....current. A current holiday mood - what exactly does this mean? Does the fact that it is current contribute something to what you are saying? A more descriptive or evocative modifier might work better here. I can only assume that your last verse is referring to Lennon, which I think is fantastic, I absolutely love that song. And your description of a dollar as being "crispy" is quite interesting, not something I would have ever thought to use myself.
Re: A twisted Trail in Eden’s Garden by Dovina	17-Apr-07/7:23 AM
I love the strong, vivid language you use in this. That can be easy to overdue, but you have struck a near perfect balance here, I think. This takes a very...sensual approach to something that most people gloss over or take for granted, I think. I like it a lot.
Re: broken bottles by richa	17-Apr-07/7:19 AM
I think your first verse is the strongest here. It is simplistic and beautiful and powerful. Bit confused about the connection to albatross, though.
Re: Amputee by INTRANSIT	17-Apr-07/7:16 AM
Love the simplicity in this. The imagery is powerful though. A lot of attempts to end a piece in sardonic wit are trite or overdone but this entire thing flows from start to finish without a hitch. I like it alot.
Re: Prince of Void by Dovina	14-Apr-07/9:08 PM
How does something "[mock] to and fro"?...That line confuses me, slightly.
Re: a comment on Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	13-Apr-07/9:44 PM
....Wait, what? (not that I take offence to being called a nut - I am - but what prompted this, just wondering. Also, I am thoroughly confused by your suggestion to fix my weblog thing....)
Re: Makin' Bacon by NICKDRP	13-Apr-07/12:58 PM
The first verse has very good rhythm. The worlds flow naturally, and I really like it. Only thing I would say to maybe change is "it snowed" to "there's snow" because then your rhyme is more perfect. The second verse looses the flow of the first, though. One thing to keep in mind when writing rhyming poems is to count syllables. Frequently (though not always) the closer the syllable counts in your lines are, the better the poem will flow. Also, this poem is obviously meant to be light hearted and fun, but even still...neat? Reading the first verse, I would assume I was dealing with a playful adult. But the second verse makes me feel like I am talking to a creative, yet unskilled grade schooler. The idea is cute though.
Re: Starving at Tiffany's by horus8	10-Dec-06/3:32 PM
the randomness with which you decided to make your "I"'s upper or lower case is disconcerting at best, and more irritating than anything else.
Re: Dammit by Cha no Onna	8-Dec-06/5:51 AM
cute
Re: Emily Mae by horus8	27-Mar-06/7:49 PM
for some reason, (which I cannot identify) the fact that the name you used was "emily mae" really made this poem 10x more enjoyable (though I would have liked it anyway.)
Re: Swan Lake by Caducus	27-Mar-06/7:40 PM
I kind of liked this, but it kept losing me. There wasn't really much of a central theme or focus that I could find for a reader to grasp onto.