rowr.

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u gotta do this in 733t, dude.

this is a concrete, no? interesting.

wow. a chilling tale, actually.

nicely written.

dunno, paw. kinna make thunk this edna is pickin on all the good folk livin' south of the mason dixon line.

does edna ever write anything BUT satire?

actually, i fnd this to be a pretty good piece. why didn't you have a lot of fun with the whole american colonies thing?

love the sarcastic sentiment.

it's tweet, really. :D

just to counterbalance Edna's vote.

i will refrain from voting due to the subject itself, one that i am 1) ot qualified to discuss due to a lack of knowledge and, 2) because i am still skeptical of the "story" of jesus.

somehow this seems like it would be written in one of those inspirational cards i always manage to stumble upon when card shopping for birthday/holiday occasions. i guess they just come off a little forced to me, or maybe i am just too cynical to get the "inspiration".

the meter is consistent, but the message seems a little over-repetitive (but not too much so).

i don't think it matters if there is a rhyme scheme. however, if you rhyme one verse and then switch back to non-rhyming and then rhyme again, it is a little distracting. i found myself trying to think of alternate words/phrases instead of just reading... i would suggest a strong rhyme pattern or none at all, especially with a strong tempo.

it is a "loo" or a "watercloset", you dung encrusted farthole. a lavatory is a handwashing sink.

otherwise, i totally agree with your... poem? sadly, my passport says i am american but i am none of the perfectly described things you listed here. those are the people who elected the hairy bush.

bravo. funny you omitted the part about how old george (i mean king george) wanted to hang onto those uncouth colonies... he sure did want all the timber. sadly, the very bastards that were transported trounced the silly stiffnecked redcoats soundly enough to send them packing their heds up their asses before they hopped back across the grey atlantic. (notice the correct spelling of grey).

a harsh topic but very well written . well, that's life, i guess... like the use of color and element: "blue montage of sulphur" and also the "bowl headed woman" (reference to her haircut?). "growling wind of ash" is again a fitting description.

i guess you also illustrate a pretty interesting point about parents who want their kids to witness the "miracle of birth" by having a littler of puppies. sure, if everything goes well it can be a great experience (or maybe even still it can be traumatic). but if it doesn't, then how do you explain? especially if the parent has a hard time of it?

i am presuming this was written from personal experience?

i believe this is about grief... and they way a simple image that distracts you from the humdrum of everyday life will allow the carefully maintained and taut facade of composure to crumble... about the relief of grieving, the release of the pain and anguish.

i would guess (from the impression of the dandelion "manna") that the loss was a child dying or maybe only departing home, off to create their own life beyond your ability to control. you only have faith that they will succeed or will rest in peace.

poignant. well written. excellently composed. great transitions. 9.

for the heroine and the poetic justice (pun intended), a 10.
the poem could be more powerful. as it stands, the story is stronger than the presentation.

brick-o-shit

hmmm.


lose the "so" in line 3. it just doesn't work somehow.

i like where this goes, and it opens a host of discussion points about humanity, good and evil, etc. maybe the last word should be "sin", and then we can really throw some fuel on the fire, eh?

i cannot see any reason why this line should read as such:
"new doors He opens"

there is no rhyme that it is matching up with, but the effect of the flow is rather devastating. perhaps rework it to a more "normalized" sytax?

introspective, similar to the way learning portait artists often subconsciously capture their own likenesses within the faces of the subjects.

if you want to really make a go of these, at least make them forceful; say something. for instance, why ask one to "consider a life" that is "pathetically pointless"? the effort of reading that weak attack is just such an action.

redundant reptetives are foolish, especially in a form that limits the use of words to create a full image.