| Re: Crowded by INTRANSIT |
12-Mar-06/6:26 PM |
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| Re: Boundaries by Dhanesh M Kumar |
12-Mar-06/6:33 PM |
Jubilant dolphin? Passionate bird? Giraffe's head?
Erase this whole thing and start over.Sorry so harsh - but this really needs work.
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| Re: i realize by http://robynhood |
12-Mar-06/6:48 PM |
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Read this aloud before you post it next time - sounds quite improper - does it not? Thought and emotion are placed well - but grammar and meter is quite lacking.
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| Re: Valentine by zodiac |
23-Mar-06/9:15 PM |
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| Re: Sonnet by zodiac |
23-Mar-06/9:35 PM |
I like this - but it seems tired - almost easy - yet forced - like you're searching for something that's already there? Common "Zodiac" - same as you ever was -
just enough talent - way too much time!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Mar-06/9:38 PM |
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| Re: Squalid by Caducus |
23-Mar-06/9:52 PM |
Maybe just maybe,
what we seek is less words from rhyming vultures, who pick at the bones of poetry - in search of something they found years and sentences ago?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Mar-06/7:26 PM |
Wow - I said "whatever" after I read this as well.
Not your best by any means - but not truly bad. -7-
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| Re: My First Hangover by mindsigns |
28-Mar-06/7:33 PM |
Did'nt know Nick-at-Night was holding a poetry contest.
This would win the 7th grade class by a hair.
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| Re: Time Thief by Dovina |
28-Mar-06/7:42 PM |
Parts of this are fairly good - other parts - really suck quite frankly. Keep posting, because you have talent, this piece
just lacks it for the most part. Sorry.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Mar-06/8:11 PM |
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Caducus - I took the time to actualy read this one - you did well I guess(though I hate to admit).A tad too abstract with some grammar gaffes. "noone - devils - devil's"
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| Re: Sarah, Freefalling (twee for AlChemy) by ecargo |
29-Mar-06/6:31 PM |
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Seems tired - like it's been done before now? It is a good poem - just not striking - "white-faced hills" and "rasberry girl" seems to have been written before? Or is it just my feeble mind?
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| Re: A Lover's Lament by woodstock20000 |
29-Mar-06/6:41 PM |
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I like the simplicity and regret, but the fluency and word choice could be revised.
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| Re: SOMETIMES? by Garrett S Sexton |
29-Mar-06/6:51 PM |
Is this for some reason almost funny? Or just acutely sad? Garrett - this seems to be pure unadulterated shit.
Or is it just me?
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| Re: The Beautiful Lover by Caducus |
30-Mar-06/8:18 PM |
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I like this - last line could be better - still very good! "deceits" should be deceit's. -8-
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| Re: 9/11 - The Jumpers by Caducus |
30-Mar-06/8:30 PM |
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Your skills have'nt risen - that's for sure!"the jumpers jumped"? "twin towers fell"? Come on - be a tad more crafty than this? Too basic.
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| Re: Ghosts of years (rhymey edit) by ecargo |
30-Mar-06/8:53 PM |
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Good thoughts - yet the words fail this poem. Too many words are used - it stains your meaning with feckless hot air.
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| Re: Nude Falling Down Staircase by zodiac |
31-Aug-06/7:30 PM |
so very tired - so lame - no sheets? try something more
personable - a tad more broad - you're too selfish.
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| Re: Valentine by zodiac |
31-Aug-06/7:33 PM |
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Read like a fucking obituary - long and painful. Your ego harms your poetry - sorry.
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| Re: Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer |
31-Aug-06/7:42 PM |
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Did u mean plains or planes, or did you just not care - 'cause this was quite long and stale. Elementary son - sorry.Simple and "plain".
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