Re: Transport by baughworm	20-Jun-05/9:55 AM
Here's your reference points: Culturally fated to the Incinerator - Hell Cathode ray ether Offering a pleasant Numbness - TV I think you can take it from there.
Re: Continuation by baughworm	20-Jun-05/9:41 AM
You capture the imagery of the cycle well, without accidentally endorsing it. The contrast between the she wolf's immortality attained through submission to death and the drug abuser's tenous cling on mortality gained with the sacrifice of her child is superb. The double meaning of the last two lines is excellent. I'd be tempted to use "aborted attempt," but that could misfire.
Re: Nonsense POEM #14687 by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	20-Jun-05/9:30 AM
Pherengi rule of acquisition #73: You could afford a ship without your government -- If it wasn't for your government.
Re: Dovecote by zodiac	20-Jun-05/9:27 AM
This poem captures a poignant moment in the healing process. The hesitency to voice the nature of the transgressions represents an obstacle to healing, while the capacity to at least allude to the issue represents hope.
Re: a comment on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	20-Jun-05/9:09 AM
"Necessarily"? No. More often than not? Yes. One alternative as you mentioned, is the pseudo-rhyme, which I'd gladly accept in free verse, but which I reject for a sonnet. Again, I agree that love and above are white trash rhymes, pimple poetry, whatever, I am just suffering from one of the effects of bi-polar disorder... It's absolutely true, but it doesn't apply to my situation. Put that way, I see that I may have given up too easily back when I decided to calll that poem complete. I'm ready to see if I can't find love in the bodice of the goddess.
Re: Regime Change by Nicholas Jones	19-Jun-05/3:28 PM
Another vietnam? Another Afganistan would be more acurate, but that doesn't strike the same chord.
Re: a comment on Bible Quoting Fag Killer (So it is said) by Blindproject217	19-Jun-05/3:21 PM
I like the bumper sticker that reads, "I'm a Militant Agnostic - I don't know and neither do you." Then again, I also like what Francis Schaeffer said to one man who claimed to be an agnostic, "'Agnostic', that's Greek, isn't it? In Latin that would be 'Ignoramus,'" or words to that effect.
Re: a comment on Bible Quoting Fag Killer (So it is said) by Blindproject217	19-Jun-05/3:14 PM
"Maybe Im brainwashed like p&k said. But I cant be wrong, realizing that your whole life has been a lie, do know how mind-blowing that concept is. Waking up and coming to grips with the fact that every thing that you to be right and wrong is all grey?" Been There, Done That Bought The Damn T-shirt The sexual repression of paternalistic monotheistic religions can be great inspiration for art... but the pagans had better technique. There's plenty of angst and angst poetry around. (I'm not above adding my crap to the pile.) It sounds like you're almost read to move on. From experience, you'll thank yourself on so many levels when you do so.
Re: AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	19-Jun-05/2:42 PM
"If God had meant for men to have sex with other men then he would have put holes in their butts..." or so I've heard from certain individuals who've lost the ability to discern excrement from extreme snowboot shinola.
Re: "The Buick", or, "to my grandfather" by david	19-Jun-05/12:27 PM
This is what free verse should be. There's a story that is being told by the images rather than exposited by the narrator, there are emotions being conveyed rather than explained, and there is a certain trust in the readers that they should determine for themselves if there are lessons, values or judgements to be made from the scene.
Re: After The Years Howl By by Lenore	19-Jun-05/12:20 PM
Could be tighter with more active voice, but bitter-sweet with good foreshadowing. Nice.
Re: I Go On by drumrgirl30	19-Jun-05/12:16 PM
The problem with beginning a poem with rhymes is that you set your reader up to expect them. When you broke the last line, you disturbed those expectations. That is fine if it is deliberate, but you need tighter verse and better rhythm to convince the reader that you didn't simply make a mistake.
Re: a comment on White Stork by Blue Magpie	19-Jun-05/12:07 PM
It's ABBA, but still difficult to pull off. I'm not sure how to parse line 7.
Re: a comment on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	19-Jun-05/11:54 AM
Lollipop, lollipop. Oh, lolly, lollipop. Lollipop! I agree that triteness and cliché are generally to be avoided, but I don't think that it has to spoil a particular work. The main things are to avoid obvious work arounds and to avoid hingeing the development of the poem on the afflicted lines. In this case, the offending couplet originated later in the development of the poem, but I moved it closer to the begining in order to de-emphasize it.
Re: a comment on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	19-Jun-05/11:45 AM
Line 8 began with "and" at one point. I cut it in one revision and forgot to replace it. I think that I need a different 3 syllables before 'word' to make the reader feel more comfortable putting the stress on 'her.' If you read it in iambic, it make the emphasis that I wanted when I was in the middle of the TABS (Teenage Angst...), but I shouldn't have to rely on the reader to force the rhythm for me.
Re: One Moment to the Other (v3) by nentwined	18-Jun-05/9:44 PM
Try "time worn smooth by emery" and you have a very tight, almost technically perfect piece.
Re: a comment on ~Witchcraft~ by Lenore	18-Jun-05/9:26 PM
I'd like to think that was intentional on the part of the writer. That dissonance is one of the things I appreciated about the poem.
Re: ~Witchcraft~ by Lenore	18-Jun-05/9:24 PM
Sweet! Nice rhythm. The rhymes work. The images are vivid.
Re: All in Love by gothiclovepoetiss	18-Jun-05/9:19 PM
Trite in places with a couple forced rhymes, but overall very expressive. I probably shouldn't have rated this since I tend to be a little harsh on love poems.
Re: One Size Fits Most by Lenore	18-Jun-05/9:14 PM
I think "BIG EGO" or "BIG PENIS" is implied somewhere. I almost missed the last line. I rated the poem high, but I like political and social work more than most people.