Re: A scarce flower~ by clumseYdaiseY	18-Jun-05/9:09 PM
The first 4 verses were excellent. That's exactly the level of abstraction that best suits your style. You can often make a stronger point by allow the reader to think about where you may be coming from in your life with your writing than you do when you spell it out for them.
Re: i'm falling for u damnit! by clumseYdaiseY	18-Jun-05/8:58 PM
Most of the rhymes are forced and there are a few grammar issues. Elimate the metaphors that don't work and you might yet become an e e cummings.