Re: Tonight (edit) by drnick	2-Feb-06/7:36 PM
I'm not sure what "I want to push you away with intent to invite" means...? that by pushing away, you know it will invite? other than that...this is cool...I like that you leave things half said...and it is not hard to deduct the rest of what is not being said. Very good.
Re: A Walk in the Park by Dovina	2-Feb-06/7:30 PM
aww...I like this! It suprised me with where it went! The first two stanza are so strong...could stand alone and on there own just fine, IMO.
Re: By Request by thepinkbunnyofdoom	2-Feb-06/7:26 PM
Someone who does puncuation will probably count all those commas, and suggest a period here or there, instead...but, I'd be fine, and this would work without any punctuation at all...as the format guides italong just fine! (and thanks!)
Re: Les Imagistes by Nicholas Jones	2-Feb-06/9:24 AM
maybe : punctuation would make first stanza more clear?> We would call this peaceful, and it IS quiet, compared to the noise of the urban morning and the tapping of the office workers. (never mind...it doesn't work...unless you went on to say something about the false perception of feeling peaceful.(But I am in no way at peace.) at and 2nd stanza, it would need "so it isn't exactly quiet, either. at the end, to explain your 'but still'. Do you think, or do I see? You are saying you think, so drop the 'you see' in 3rd stanza. a poetics like a duck...> ? poet's, poetic's (A 'poet is' like...?)
Re: Valentine? by celticskatermatt1	2-Feb-06/8:56 AM
LOL...God's wife...and I'm with you Nich
Re: A Cleansing Of Creeds by Caducus	2-Feb-06/8:54 AM
The first 2 stanza seem like you were going to write something else...seems disconnected in style from the rest of it. This is not the first I have seen lately drawing parallels. Surprised you didn't throw Sudan into the mix, but hey, you did address this well. (I am relieved when I see other drawing the parallels, too. Gives me some sort of faith in intellegence. Basing my score on your Dropping the first two stanzas, and using them somewhere else, as they ARE rather unigue.
Re: Even the elephants by ecargo	2-Feb-06/8:42 AM
...and hide like the sky? Consider dropping one of the 'hard' (at eyes, IMO) 3rd. stanza a little bit uncomfortable in rythm. I like this...just needs a tweak.
Re: Unhappy Marriages by Caducus	2-Feb-06/8:37 AM
This has some great moments...keep working on it.
Re: Unhappy Marriages by Caducus	2-Feb-06/8:36 AM
Grammar! You attempt puncuation...get help with that. Unclear in places..."owned by leaves and wax"
Re: stormcast (a true story) by FreeFormFixation	2-Feb-06/8:33 AM
I'm confused. Take a breath, calm down and then tell me again; what happened?
Re: a comment on Nomads by amanda_dcosta	2-Feb-06/8:26 AM
Ranger, I believe they are supposed to. 5-7-5 and some have a - afer the 2nd. line. Are the birds wandering or flying? 'in the sky so high'...uhm...needs work. Concept> birds, flying, "Oh tell me where" great ending to that concept, but add one necessary word, to make 5 syllables.
Re: Ode to Seduction by MacFrantic	2-Feb-06/8:21 AM
correct...even.
Re: Ode to Seduction by MacFrantic	2-Feb-06/8:20 AM
I'll let someone else corerect your punctuation...it need work...but this is cool.
Re: a comment on The Book of Images by Dovina	2-Feb-06/7:27 AM
LOL, Dovina...here again is that theory that we ARE all canibals! We consume, digest and regurgitate. Of course the mixture is always individually digested and spewn in some way unique, if we are lucky....
Re: a comment on Generation Next, Fuck you(The Fake Out) by thepinkbunnyofdoom	2-Feb-06/7:16 AM
Okay...you cleared that up... now post THAT reply (as a poem), so I can vote on IT!...it is as good as, and better than, some stuff I've seen on here!
Re: a comment on The Book of Images by Dovina	31-Jan-06/4:03 PM
Dovina, you said" I disagree, because my interpretations would only anger you. It's better to let it stand uninterpreted, unstoried into my life in particular." How beautiful is THAT?! anyway...an artist simply paints, then lets others gaze and interpret. (and appreciate.) Persoanlly, I like it just the way it is, original! If you had said what it means to you, and painted your self into it, then it would have been like everything else out there. I understand why you put the last stanza, and what it means. (Do not all writers do this?!)But... that is not the point of this piece.
Re: a comment on Penny Loafer Blues by ALChemy	31-Jan-06/3:51 PM
"Run to your dream wife who’s face as light glows through closed lids like stained glass, illuminating blood capillaries the color of fresh lava and if you concentrate appears into your frontal lobe as vapor apparition. She is your soul mate, your starlet projected against a screen of inner skull.” That type of wording (the language I refered to)is not in sync with the rest of it. The rest has a homey, very-real, real-life grit to it.
Re: Generation Next, Fuck you(The Fake Out) by thepinkbunnyofdoom	31-Jan-06/10:19 AM
Is this one of your sex poems, one of your war-commentary poems, or a drug poem? Or 'the ignorance and bliss of unknowing the young possess'? "And said it that was nice"> wanna fix that? (that it?)(said it was nice?)(And said,"That was nice.")?
Re: Time, Indeterminate by ecargo	31-Jan-06/10:12 AM
has been stolen> correct would be:Have been; but then again, maybe leaving it in the language it is written in actually gives something to this poem. This is a long poem, but it is worth the time to read. Very nice, and real. What a melancholy piece. I thought it was about a soldier until I hit the word 'celly', and realizes it was about prison. It is unique in that it makes the reader see real faces behind those locked up; and beyond those faces to the families left behind. Excellent work!
Re: necrobos by baphomet	31-Jan-06/10:02 AM
Huh? What a strangely fascinating bit-of-something, this is. The fact that I have worked with autistics makes me look into this and know that it is painting a picture...but, one too disconnected for me to fully 'get'. About the time I think I know what is going on here, I decide that can't be 'it'. I would be most interested in hearing what this is about.