| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-May-04/9:16 PM |
Dear god -- the roses are already dead in your part of the world? They're only just starting to grow leaves here...
I'm not sure about the last line, though I can't put my finger on the reason why. It may be because it rhymes with 'face' and there is no other rhyming involved (unless you count the dying and drying, which is a bit far-reaching for a rhyme).
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-May-04/8:19 PM |
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| Re: Fear by Phalkon |
20-May-04/7:00 PM |
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Heavens. The intellectual and literary ninnyness makes the mind reel.
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| Re: I Can't Wait Till Christmas Day Resubmission by Teen14 |
20-May-04/7:01 PM |
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Gadzooks. Beyond commentary.
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| Re: Catharsis by wilco |
20-May-04/7:02 PM |
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Zounds. Up a bottle of wine. No wonder you feel like you're going to fall down the staircase.
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| Re: I cannot take this shit(please comment and critique) by TrulyUnique0642 |
20-May-04/7:04 PM |
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Let me assure you that it is much kinder if I neither comment nor critique.
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| Re: Fugly by Freethinker1602 |
20-May-04/7:05 PM |
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| Re: Vic, so Bitter by mogwai |
4-Sep-04/11:28 AM |
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One thing -- there is no need for punctuating the end of every line.
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| Re: rock me to sleep tonight: by Sapphire |
4-Sep-04/11:30 AM |
I want to like it. I really do. But there's something about it I can't put my finger on that leaves it just short of what it could be.
P.S.: CymbAl. Please.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Sep-04/9:42 AM |
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Suddenly I remember why I haven't been here in a while...
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| Re: Heaven vs. Hell by angel born in hell |
13-Sep-04/2:25 PM |
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Suddenly I remember why rhyming fell into disrepute. But hey, unless you've died before, how d'you know that death's not worse?
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| Re: For you by Montinequego |
13-Sep-04/2:38 PM |
Mediocrity code: 0070C021
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| Re: Sleep of Death by necroscope7 |
13-Sep-04/2:39 PM |
Mediocrity code: 0070F000
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| Re: A Vision of Dark Desire by crims0ngh0st |
13-Sep-04/2:41 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Sep-04/2:43 PM |
Mediocrity code: 11F01001
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| Re: Jarooomeee by klosterfobik |
19-Sep-04/6:09 PM |
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This is without a doubt the most blatant case of idiotic self-voting I have yet seen. As a poem, this fails for a simple reason: if you start off with a rhyming quatrain, you should not round it off with three unrhyming verses even more lacking in rhythmic distinction than the first four.
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| Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus |
24-Sep-04/5:39 PM |
For some reason I can't bring myself to think the last stanza fits. Though I love the 'Kissed her lips on the ashes of blossom'. For some reason it doesn't seem to work rhythmically. Also, while the whole wheel of time moving around, as was done before so shall be done again, etc theme works (i.e. you kissing your lover where your parents kissed etc.), it seems a touch clichéd. It makes me think too much of 'Songs my Mother Taught Me' in that respect.
There's also the fact that I sort of would have liked it if you'd found a way of ending it without bringing yourself into play. 8 for now because I'm a miserable shite and the score's high enough as it is already.
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| Re: I'll Take You In My Arms by ilovecars131 |
6-Oct-04/5:59 PM |
Mediocrity Code: 8174F121
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Oct-04/8:03 PM |
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But your possibilities will be so much wider if you're NOT following God's rules. Just think: for starters, you'll be allowed to vary the positions.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Oct-04/8:04 PM |
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Cut out the adjectives and see what it gives. Alternately, toss out the dictionary.
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