Re: Friends by mishy_lee	28-Oct-04/8:06 PM
Very clever how in every second stanza the rhyme isn't true.
Re: Ahkataka Akarnakuray by Imago	28-Oct-04/8:08 PM
Either change 'Pray thee' to 'Prithee' or keep the second person singular throughout the whole sentence (e. g.: 'Pray thee art thou sound in mind?'
Re: Inane Muttering by Don-Quixote	28-Oct-04/8:10 PM
For some reason, I actually like everything but the last line of each stanza (except for the first, which doesn't quite count.)
Re: Social Awarness by midnitebeauty101	28-Oct-04/8:12 PM
Dear heavens that last line is bad. Unless it's a perfectly plotted last line to make us realise the whole thing's a joke, in which case it's quite brilliant. If (as I suspect) it's not, allow me to point something out: What would be sad would be if teen suicide WASN'T an issue. Its being an issue at least means someone's noticed. (The previous of course assumes one thinks suicide a bad thing.)
Re: The correct order of things by Stephen Robins	28-Oct-04/8:15 PM
And what, prithee, is an unnatural pearl? The second-last line breaks the rhythm -- fix it up, it suddenly turns plodding. Perhaps 'Thought not, you dem thoughtless wanker' would do.
Re: Call upon the wrath of god on ye by Imago	30-Oct-04/7:50 PM
The first line is, I'm afraid, grammatical nonsense. Permit me to explain. If you call on something, especially someone's wrath, you call on it to do something. Thus, if you want to keep the 'upon, you would have to add a verb later on, and say something along the lines of 'Call upon the wrath of God To fall on them'. Elsewise, you can rid yourself of the upon and keep the rest as it is [with one exception I'll get to in a moment] -- 'Call the wrath of God on them' -- which would be the equivalent, more or less, of your 'Pox on thee' example. Secondly, it should be (as in my rewritten versions) 'on THEM', due to the fact that 'Thee' is the singular pronoun. As it stands, you're telling the abuser to call the wrath of God on himself -- an admirable sentiment, perhaps, but not very practical or likely. Besides, to make it work as it is, you'd have to change the tense in the second line to 'Who sees' -- again, 'Thee' being singular. Also, the fourth and fifth lines are just plain silly. And the spelling's a disaster.
Re: Call upon the wrath of god on ye by Imago	31-Oct-04/6:58 PM
You just proved our point three times. 'He would call the wrath of God upon them' -- NOT 'would call upon the wrath of God on them'. 'by our sins call the wrath of God and punishments upon...' NOT 'by our sins call upon the wrath of God and punishments upon...' 'the living creatures will call the wrath of God into evidence' NOT 'the living creatures will call upon the wrath of God into evidence.' Look. Let me put it as simply as possible. You call UPON or ON something to make it do something. 'I call upon the name of God to witness my oath' or whatnot. Or you call something down on someone: 'I call hours of boring Bible-reading on all illiterate sprogs.' You can't do both.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Mar-05/6:42 PM
You get a point for 'to see a special croaker/and then I got high/and tried to choke her.' Just for the humour.
Re: the search by i_am_the_popsicle	18-Mar-05/6:44 PM
'Is the Tao is the way'... How redundant.
Re: Im gonna draw a picture w/ a twist by ShelliAnne	18-Mar-05/6:46 PM
I feel I must inform you that isn't much of a twist. Lots of people have done it, dear.
Re: My daddy taught me about being a good sport by horus8	18-Mar-05/6:47 PM
Ah, horus. I love the 'learning disability called nepotism' but the rest, I find, falls short of your usual standard. Ah well.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Mar-05/6:50 PM
For 'pulchritudinous' and admitting you looked it up.
Re: the lips of your mouth by silvertongueddevil	18-Mar-05/6:51 PM
Why the 'eyes of fishes', which are rather boring, as opposed to their scales, which can be quite rainbow-like? And if you're adoring someone, isn't requesting them to lift their lips a bit ungallant -- even if they're shorter, they're supposed to be on a pedestal...
Re: Ga-go, Part two of that same play, the suspensefull climax. by Jeremi B. Handrinos	18-Mar-05/6:56 PM
A little cheesy, but not showing Ferdinand's reaction at the end is a good touch.
Re: Mr Zero? Your a coward. by DreamerSupreme	18-Mar-05/6:58 PM
Moan moan moan.
Re: college by i_am_the_popsicle	18-Mar-05/6:59 PM
I also like the students who whine about needing to walk all the way from a hall at the bottom of the hill to one at the top and doubtless wonder every morning on the bathroom scale why they weigh 200 pounds more than I do even though they're a foot shorter. As a poeme, it's utterly terrible, of course, but I do like the sentiment.
Re: stab in the dark by not_a_philosopher	21-Mar-05/8:29 PM
It's a pity that you could care less, as that proves (as does the poeme, really) that you do care at least a little. What is it with all these idiots who use that stupidly bastardised form of a perfectly sensible phrase to accidentally express precisely the opposite of what they actually mean? Especially putative poets, who ought to have at least a little sensitivity to language?
Re: Jared Leto & Apocalyptic poetry. by Shardik	20-Apr-05/10:11 AM
You forget that it's all right to loot the world because Jesus is coming and the world will end soon, and he's given us this wonderfully rich world, and wouldn't it be a shame, and possibly an insult, if we didn't use it all up first? He'll think we didn't like his present. As polemic it's amusing, as poetry rather less so.
Re: A new leaf by Damien	20-Apr-05/10:14 AM
By tower in Line 4, do you mean 'clap in chains in the tower'? And at the start of the last stanza, do you mean boundless or are we talking about some bounder who'S rather lazy? Just wondering.
Re: The Lion and the worm. by <{Baba^Yaga}>	20-Apr-05/10:16 AM
Are those actually line breaks, or is this a prose poem? One can't quite tell.