on Happy Birthday by jessicazee
21 Dec 2007, 11:13 AM
The Christmas timing makes me wonder and chuckle. But I think it's tender and not Christmasey, but affectionate and giving. At least that's my take on it.
replying on The Least of These by Dovina
21 Dec 2007, 11:09 AM
It seems my Pakistani kids struck an unwelcome note for both you and Caducus. I guess we get so many appeals this time of year that this one seems trite. Still, the words of this baby in the hay also seem trite in all their familiarityâgive your tunic to the robber why just stole your cloak, and turn the other cheek, do good to those who hate you, etc. Just sounds counterproductive. Maybe itâs not, and maybe those Pakistani kids who want us dead are better won than shot. Thanks for your thoughts.
on Whore of Babylon by oneglove
8 Dec 2007, 7:11 PM
Lines 3 and 4 are good. The rest, well, a work in progress.
on 7 Deadly Sins by forsaken
8 Dec 2007, 7:08 PM
Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride - Yep, you've sinned them all and deserver hellfire without possibility of parole. That's what you deserve, but because of one who already paid, you get better than you deserve if you want it. However, the sins of "your still save with me", "that bad that", and "I haven't crave in such awhile" are simply unforgivable.
replying on Engine Braking by INTRANSIT
4 Dec 2007, 1:41 PM
poemranker is slooooow today
on Engine Braking by INTRANSIT
4 Dec 2007, 1:40 PM
Whenever I see and hear a big-rig down-hilling with jake-brake screaming, I wonder if the driver still has ears, much less, whether he hears the wind a cooling fan makes. Maybe those things are super-sound-insulated, never been there. Tach and speed align at what? - 40mph, 4000rpm?
on Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT
27 Nov 2007, 8:58 PM
Scratch the "and" in Verse 1. I like "quarterback of the linear team." Space after the comma in Verse 3. Last line is provocative.
on Again with the venting by hobojo
27 Nov 2007, 8:54 PM
The last verse is quite good I think. It's the summation of most complaints. But we all know that "just and even" never happens.
on The Monogamous by Sasha
27 Nov 2007, 8:50 PM
I like it a lot. Would scratch the parentheses and the colon though.
on Missing - You by Skamper
27 Nov 2007, 8:43 PM
It has a good rhythm and a good subtle message. Would be nice if the Word 2 pattern continued: little, quiet, secret, . . . rain/sane rhyme seems a bit forced. Verse 2 is my favorite. The last line is disappointing and vague, seems unsupported.
on It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT
15 Nov 2007, 7:58 AM
Good. Sounds real, as if you actually believe it. "having" in verse 2 sounds weak.
on Turning British by INTRANSIT
10 Nov 2007, 5:34 PM
Ok, lets see if we can DA and SR outa the pub long enough to declare it all false. I doubt if they sing any version of Amazing Grace.
on Some poems by INTRANSIT
4 Nov 2007, 5:42 PM
Yeah, got a few stuck the tubes. Prefer a more descriptive title; I mean describing the good ones in some cute way. Like it a lot.
replying on Dulacca - for a day by Skamper
2 Nov 2007, 3:36 PM
cool
replying on Voice of the World by Dovina
2 Nov 2007, 3:34 PM
not an unexpected source, really, just a bunch of people like us, who have got the shaft for a long time and just might have something to teach. Yep, I did fade away in the second verse; just can't quite get the questions together.