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7 Deadly Sins (Free verse) by forsaken
Ok so it's about time I pour a little more out I just wish you were closer cause I don't want to shut Maybe if you listen close enough to the wind You'll hear me from a mountain top confessing my sin I bet you're asking yourself what could it be Well don't worry your still save with me It's just that I get overwhelmed everytime I stop and think of how great it would be to call you mine First I feel the craving in me like a uncontrolable GREED All of my desires like placing wood in a fire you feed Now they're stronger then they've ever been Like a hunger in me I can feel it crawl on my skin I sense a ENVY in my soul for those around you Cause I want to be near you that bad that I don't know what to do I'd take one of their places in such a quick fast and a hurry Anything else's beauty in my eyes is simply burry As once I looked into your eyes nothing else could compair To the wonders that I saw of a heart that honesty cares I wanted to just sit and stare in them not moving like a SLOTH Believe me you're a butterfly as the rest of the worlds a moth As amazing as I feel now image the increase in PRIDE If I could be right there beside you and not have to hide How you make the blood flow faster throughout my vains With you how more gently on my face would feel the drops of rain Well they'd slooth a soul like jazz music on a heavy heart Oh can I say how I long for a LUST filled kiss I'd fall apart As I held in my arms cause my chest would be pounding so quick That nothing to keep me from staying with you no wall to thick I'd break right through it with the WRATH of a million angry men To be beside you I'd travel across the by foot just tell me when It's a ok time to show up on your step and ask you for a dance I'm willing to give up forever if you're willing to take the chance I want something with you I haven't crave in such awhile Like a fat kid with GLUTTONY eating cake with a huge smile Nothing could keep me happier then a future with you Of course I leave that choice for you to choose so what do you do When you have a guy who's willing to do anything To keep you wanting to stay around and somethings About this all just ain't clear but know if lives a game with you I already win But when you think about it your my seven deadly sins

Up the ladder: Lover

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.4
Weighted score: 5.40529
Overall Rank: 3091
Posted: December 8, 2007 7:43 AM PST; Last modified: December 8, 2007 7:43 AM PST
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Comments:
[5] Dovina @ 208.127.120.32 | 8-Dec-07/7:08 PM | Reply
Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride - Yep, you've sinned them all and deserver hellfire without possibility of parole. That's what you deserve, but because of one who already paid, you get better than you deserve if you want it. However, the sins of "your still save with me", "that bad that", and "I haven't crave in such awhile" are simply unforgivable.
[7] LynnJR @ 70.166.7.178 | 13-Dec-07/4:57 PM | Reply
great expression of how you feel about this person,I would tighten up the meter to improve the flow, a few typo's, and a few places the rhyme seemed forced, but cleverly written to portray the feelings and incorporate the 7 deadly sins, it was an enjoyable read.
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