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Lover (Free verse) by Dental Panic with a bit of bad luck
you're in the wrong tube today
descending the stairs
at the eastside of the river
you'll miss your train
but you never miss your train
itâs the one at seven fifty
and youâre lucky
thereâs a place at the window
and nobody in the opposite seat staring at you
then you get on a bus
the 8 has a stop nearby
the 3 departs more frequently
which one you choose depends
on your mood
the weather
the shoes you wear
a whiff of coffee a cigarette
the driverâs face
take care
Up the ladder:
bonsai
Down the ladder:
7 Deadly Sins
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.4
Posted: July 8, 2005 5:34 AM PDT; Last modified: July 9, 2005 4:27 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.40529 Overall Rank: 3090 Comments:
It's better now, clearer. Still, the timing of your posting and the tube, river, therain and all implies the London bombings. Then why is it called Lover? And why is it bad luck that he was not on the train that was bombed? Maybe he avoided the train disaster only to get on the bus to be blown up. It's not clear.
I think this is excellent
I found that O'Hara poem you recomended. I think I have problems reading some poets because they use so many references and allusions that unless one has spent their entire life reading, there's no possible way to catch up! Very frustrating this is, MMHMM? This particular poem WAS more acessible to me. I still don't know who the lady is. Would it behoove me to chase down all of the allusions? I'm taking a hiatus from writing as I have no direction, no plan to take my poetry anywhere specific. I believe without that, my efforts are useless. This is also why I've taken to not leaving comments. Take care, E-mail me if you wish.
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The part about the bus is important to me. Thereâs got to be some element of choice in the whole thing.